Shattered to Pieces [Caleb]

[jason lee clark]

I had a normal life. Sort of. My parents didn't think I was even a borea until I finally showed signs late in my life. I was sent to a normal school because they didn't want me to be involved in the war. Basically, we hid. We made it so no one knew what we were. My parents basically went human. They hadn't wanted to have me at all. They didn't want to endanger a child. That's what they told me later. Of course it was fixed with them telling me how happy they were to have me when I was born. They were even almost thrilled when they thought I wasn't a borea. I wasn't, of course. I would feel horrible if I wasn't a borea and I was born into a borea family. I didn't have to worry about that now, however. I was. I was at school now too. I was at school when they never really wanted me to be here. They wanted me to pretend like I was normal.

Most of my childhood was spent playing video games or collecting Pokemon cards. My parents never minded the fact that along with those things, I liked playing with dolls. I wanted to make them pretty. I bet that was the first clue I was gay. The second was probably when I got in trouble at school and was sent home in the 3rd grade because I tried holding a guy's hand. There was also this time that my teacher thought I tried to kiss another guy when I really didn't. But... then everyone in my grade thought I was gay. Or... found out I was gay, I guess. Because I really was. I wasn't sure when that happened or whatever. Me finding out I'm gay, that is. I just kind of... always knew.

That was also what started the bullying.

It started out as small things that I didn't even realize was bullying until later in my life. Mostly names. Faggot was a popular one. As I grew older so did my bullies. And of course, while I was tall, I was never big. There was a few times I walked home beaten up ad bruised. I never fought back. Never even tried. I would smile until it was over, then go home and cry in my moms arms. Once I had a good cry, I would go to my room and my mom would bring me a hot chocolate and a cookie. They were always fresh cookies. My mom was an amazing cook. She cooked me breakfast every morning. There were always freshly baked cookies. Dinner was always amazing because she tried new things and nothing was ever horrible or bad at all. It was always amazing.

My parents were always really supportive of me. They didn't care that I was attracted to men and not women. Nor did they even care my mind was childish compared to my age. I owe them my life, really. I wasn't the best, nor the worst child. They still put up with me. They put up with me when I was going through my teen years and when I was probably rebelling. Against a certain video game or two. I didn't really think I ever thought I was too old for a good snuggle with my mom.

I had been sitting in Caleb's bed for a good 20 minutes. My phone in my hand as I tried to turn this nightmare into just that. A bad dream. I wasn't crying. Not yet. Part of me wanted Caleb to come back to the room and part of me wished he wouldn't. I didn't know what to do. Should I tell him? Should I just let him comfort me without knowing that I will never get a ho chocolate from my mom again when I'm upset. Or that my dad will never be able to tell me he's proud of who I became?

I don't know the details of what happened. The police called me as I'm the only relative and the son. There was a break in, apparently. I know that much. There was a struggle that police said almost looked animal like. How police thought it was a normal break in and fight at all, I'm not sure. I suppose because they don't know there are other races out there at all. I'm not sure if I'll hear anything from the enforcers but one of the police men said my moms face was mauled by something.

It was a full moon last night. I knew that from Caleb. I had a feeling it was werewolves that killed my parents. Vampires wouldn't have left any blood in them, and police didn't say anything about that.

They'll never get to meet Caleb either. I was so sure of Caleb. I still am. I wanted to take him home and have myy parents meet him. I wanted them to approve of him and I wanted to be happy for forever. Was that too much to ask? Apparently. I never had a boyfriend to get approved. I know my mom and dad would be okay with Caleb being a guy. They were okay with me being gay... even if I never really full out told them. I think they knew. I was sure they knew. It would be bad if they didn't know because it was kind of obvious.

That wasn't even the worst part about all of this. The worst part wasn't even the fact my parents were dead. It was the fact my mother was about eight months pregnant when she died.

I guess they made it to her within enough time that they were able to take the baby out and save it. I should thank the neighbors for that one. Mrs. O' Brian finally did something nice. It was a beautiful baby girl. A beautiful baby girl that would be orphaned if I wasn't still alive. That girl had three options. Once she made it out of critical condition in the child facility in my home town. I could either raise her on my own, find someone to do it, or put her in a foster care. I didn't think I could give her away though. She was my last living close relative. Or... any relative. I would have to find a way to raise her myself. Maybe Caleb would help... if I told him and asked him. I didn't want to give her away. That was for sure.

That's another thing. If werewolves killed my parents, shouldn't I shy away from their kind then? I think maybe I will from others, but I don't think I can with Caleb. He's different. He always has been different. Hell, I thought sex would be gross before Bertie had to mention it and then I was afraid Caleb would want to. It ended up working out. I ended up actually enjoying it. Caleb was my first kiss. Caleb was my first... everything, actually. I didn't believe that it actually happened at first. Like... I don't know. I hadn't ever thought about it before because it wasn't something I thought about. Caleb is like... one of those Disney princes that I never thought existed because he is just so amazing and wonderful and a total keysmash in my mind. Caleb was someone I literally think wasn't even real because he is so amazing. It's also why I really want him right now because I need someone amazing to make me feel better. I was still in shock. I was pretty sure. Then again. Was it still shock if you were sobbing like I was? I doubt it. But... I wasn't there when they passed. I wasn't there to see them die. I wasn't there to help them. I could have been. I could have gone home for a bit in the summer. I could have helped them. If I was... maybe I would have known my mom was pregnant and maybe I could have stopped the werewolves. Three was better than two... even if one was weak.

I heard footsteps outside in the hall and it clicked with me that I was technically in the werewolf dorm tower. What if someone here had... no. They couldn't of. My parents were strong. No student could have killed them. The footsteps had snapped me out of whatever trance I had been in was gone. I was now shaking violently. I needed Caleb and I needed him now. My chest erupted in a deep sob and I buried my head in Caleb's pillow. My arms were wrapped around my middle. My parents were gone. I only had Caleb now. Or, I guess I have my little sister now too. Wow, that's weird to say. I just want this to be one big nightmare that would end with me waking up in Caleb's arms. Him telling me everything would be alright and then he would kiss me and I would believe in him.

[/size][/color]

Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ mfiodjnioxffdiwfhfibjdifjdkosnvjdi[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb~[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

I fucking hated full moons. There was just something about the lack of control that I possessed, something about the fact that I could legitimately be called dangerous that made me feel physically sick every time a full moon approached. It must have been normal to some - like clockwork, even. And I guess it should have been for me, too, what with having been this way for just over two years. But it wasn't. I laughed it off, acted like it was normal, just like the rest of my kind. In reality, though, I knew that it was sick. Twisted. Wrong.

Couple that feeling with the insomnia that accompanies the shift, and you have got a reasonably angry person.

There were some parts of me that still wondered if this was all a fucked up dream, something that I coukd wake up from if I pinched myself hard enough. Those parts were divided into two areas. The parts that were disgusted, horrified, wanted to wake up more than anything - and the parts that were giddy beyond imagine at the prospect of it all being real. So much had happened since that night. I didn't know how much I wanted to be real and how much I didn't. And that frightened me more than I ever thought it would.

It was weird that I was using now, the trip back to my dorm room after the previous night, as a time to reflect on my life. Sometimes, being unable to stay focused because of the ADHD was a real nuisance, because it just left me running around in circles. And if I was honest, I really fucking despised it. That was why hardly anyone was told that I had it - call me foolish, but I wanted to pretend that it didn't exist. It was just so much easier ignoring problems than it was facing them. I might have been a coward for thinking so, but I'd been through a little too much for that not to be a defence mechanism. Forgetting was escapism. Escapism was bliss.

As I lazily counted the steps that I took to get back to my tower, I wondered how many people I really had told any of my secrets to. Hardly anyone knew about my dad's death (I'd pushed that one under the rug years ago). A select few knew about my ADHD. But no one, absolutely no one, knew anything about how I really felt toward being a freak, a mutant, a thing. I knew I would have to tell some people eventually, but not yet. I couldn't. Not when so much was going well for me - I didn't want to jinx it by saying bad things.

But some people would have to know. Jace. He'd have to know just how much emotional baggage he'd be carrying if he were to keep on with me. He'd need to know that I wasn't really worthy of him. He'd need to know.

I couldn't weigh him down with it, though. I couldn't just shove all my problems onto another person and have that be the end of it. No, I'd just have to hang on. It didn't feel right to say anything yet, not when it was just starting to go uphill. I didn't want to be responsible for my life crashing down around me when I'd only just finished building it up again. I wanted to be able to move on, and I was being given the opportunity to do so. So why couldn't I?

I didn't quite know why just then, even though I do now. My life was moving too fast for me to keep up with. I didn't let go of the past because it was the only thing in my life that didn't constantly change. It was the only form of stability in my life, as much as I hated to dwell on it. And, even though I repeatedly state that stability is boring, sometimes you just need it to be able to stand. I did like the change that was always happening in my life - don't get me wrong, I was never bored - but sometimes it was nice to just slow down.

That being said, I did know that I was just inviting change, trouble and a fuckload of other things by falling in love as quickly and as young as I did. If I was being honest with myself, I was excited for it all. I wanted all this to be as easy and wonderful and beautiful as the films, because that's how it'd been so far. It'd been like a dream. It shouldn't have been realistic how smoothly it was going, but it was, in a strange way. The universe has funny ways of working.

I was outside the tower now, staring up at the window with a frown. I'd just been out all night long and the school still expected me to have the energy to climb seven hundred and fifteen flights of stairs. Well, maybe not seven hundred and fifteen, but it mustn't have been far off. It couldn't have been. I started climbing them with an almighty sigh, dragging my feet along the carpet idly. Idly, until I heard something that made me stop dead in my tracks.

A sob. A fucking sob.

Something inside me twisted a bit when I heard it. It was faint, quiet, but still distinct to me as I listened out for anything further, climbing the stairs with a renewed kind of energy. I wasn't running, no, not quite. But I was definitely walking pretty fast. Because I was pretty sure I knew where that came from; it was a voice that had become almost as familiar as breathing to me. And even though I was praying that it wasn't what I thought it was, I knew that I wasn't exactly in God's good books. It would be a miracle if I was listened to.

I ended up outside my door rather quickly, but hesitated to go inside. If I was being truthful, I was... I was pretty scared that my suspicions were right. I didn't want to go in in case I had been correct. Because... I didn't know if I could take seeing Jason like that. My bright, sweet, happy little Jason. So I just stood there, my hand resting lightly on the doorknob, my heart pounding in anxiety.

And then I realised that if it was him, he would need me. Even if he didn't, he still would. So with a deep breath, I pushed open the door, to find that I had been right. There he was, lying on one of the beds in front of me, his body wracking as he sobbed into a pillow. I bit down on my lip, hard, as something came back to me. It hit me like a ton of bricks - the sudden sense of deja vu was almost enough to send me reeling. Where had I seen this before, though? I was almost certain I hadn't seen it at all before now, so why was my brain telling me that I had? It just didn't make any--

I winced as I remebered the trees and the forest floor surrounding me. The rough bark under my knuckles as I punched the tree, the rawness of my throat after screaming non stop for about ten minutes - I knew where I had seen this before. Not exactly this, mind, but something very similar. The last time that I had seen this was when Joseph was bitten by that vampire.

Except, this time, the roles were dramatically reversed.

Last time, it'd been me who had been in this state. Jason had come along out of nowhere and comforted me, stayed with me, saved me in a way. But now... now it was him lying in front of me, crying his little heart out, which in turn tore mine to shreds. I wondered if this was how he'd felt when he'd found me. If it'd hurt him this much. Because, to me, every single cry was another almost physical ache. Everything about this scene was wrong. Jason was a cheerful, eccentric little man, not the crying wreck that lay in front of me.

Then I remembered something else. In those woods, Jason had held me, let me cry, comforted me. He'd not pressured me to say anything, he'd just listened when I did decide to talk about it. Maybe... maybe I could do the same for him.

Without a word or question, I simply laid next to him so that his back was toward me, stretching my arms out and wrapping them around his shaking form. I pulled him close to me, burying my face in his neck when he got close enough for me to do so. Murmurs of "Shh," and "I understand," and a few other phrases came out of my lips and sounded against his skin. I wanted him to know that I was here, really here, and that I would be until I couldn't physically do it any more.

I owed him that much, at least.

outfit . here
tagged . jacey-face~
words . 1,573
notes . you are a horrible person.
credit . coding by chloe, lyrics by william beckett

[/color][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[jason lee clark]

I almost pushed Caleb away when I felt him wrap his arms around me from behind. I... couldn't though. He was comforting me and I needed someone to comfort me right now. Really badly. Instead of pushing him away or anything like that, I started sobbing harder. I listened to his words of comfort. They weren't anything major but... he kinda knew what I was going through. Kind of. I supposed he guessed what happened because he said I understand. He wasn't asking questions or anything, which I supposed could be a good thing. If he didn't ask questions then I wouldn't have to tell him but... I wanted him to know.

Tears were falling out of my eyes like crazy. I couldn't stop them from falling down my face because it was just... horrible. I kept getting flashes of things my parents used to do. Like how on hot summer days my dad would stand out in the blazing heat to cook hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill. Of course the sun only felt good to us... but that didn't matter as much as it was the thought that counted. I remembered when my mom gave me my pokemon pillow and sleeping bag and stuffed animals. It was for my 17th birthday and it came with a note that told me to never grow up and never change. I don't think I'd ever forget that.

Feeling Caleb hold me like this... well. I understood why he had thanked me so much before. It felt nice to have someone this close to you in a time of need. I needed it. I was in a bad place and I just wanted to wake up. Unfortunately I was beginning to think that this wasn't a nightmare and that I would never wake up. I didn't like that idea. I turned my head around and buried my dace into Caleb's cheek. There was where I sobbed a bit more before finally choking something out. "T-They're g-gone."

[/b] It was all I could manage and I wasn't sure if he would understand but I hoped to God or whatever the hell was up there that he would. I didn't want to tell him more. I didn't want to tell him about my baby sister yet. I didn't want to tell them about how they died. I didn't want to talk anymore I just thought he should know that small little detail.

I turned around in the bed so we were facing each other and I moved my head to his chest instead. I had Caleb... nothing could go terribly wrong when I was with him... right? I thought that before. I didn't think anything would go wrong when we were together. I thought we would be happy forever. I guess forever isn't forever for other people. Forever is... depending on how long you live. My parents didn't get their forever. I almost didn't want my forever now. Caleb wouldn't get the forever I would get. It wasn't fair. Having so many different forever's in the world. It just... wasn't fair.

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/color]

Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ it would have been longer but I lost the one before and didn't have the energy to type that much again. <3[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb~[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this much fear, this much dread. I think that the only time that is halfway comparable to what I was thinking just then is the moments jut after my dad died. I felt so confused, terrified, angry even. I didn't know why I wasn't allowed to visit him, and when I was told that he was in heaven, I couldn't help but wonder why I couldn't go and visit him there. All it would take was a jetpack, a rocket ship, a pair of wings, and I could fly and go see him.

But then, I was a child. I didn't know any better, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know any better anyway.

Do you ever just have moments where you're absolutely certain that your worst nightmare is coming true in front of you? Everything just slows, and then there's the fact that, no matter how much you want to look away, you can't. You're merely transfixed by the horrors in front of you. Unable to think, to breathe, to do anything but act on your first instinct. Well, that's what was happening to me, I couldn't peel my eyes away from the boy as I impulsively laid next to him and pulled him into me. This shouldn't have been happening, it was completely wrong. It shoukd have been me going through whatever was bad enough to hurt Jason in this way, not Jason himself. It was wrong. Horribly wrong.

What I was saying by the whispers into Jason's skin wasn't meaningless. It wasn't just a way to offer him comfort, nor was it just a way to do my conscience a solid. No, it was a alway to let him know that I was here, that I would be no matter what. I did understand what it was like to be as unhappy as he appeared. I knew, and wanted him to know, that it was okay to be sad. It was okay to need help. And it was okay to ask for it. I couldn't simply overlook how he felt when he'd done so much for me before now. It would have been morally wrong.

I wasn't expecting what he said, though. No, not by a long shot. "They" were gone. And judging by the steady flow of tears coming from Jason's eyes and his sobs hitting the air with their dull crack, it was quite safe to assume that he wasn't talking about something trivial, like Pokemon cards or the PS3 games hidden under the bed. No, the only time I'd ever seen something as bad as this was several years ago. Twelve years, to be exact. When there was something as valuable as a life involved. And last time I had seen this, it'd been me.

They, though. They, as in, the plural form of he and she. A rough, acidic feeling scratched at the base of my throat as I weighed up the possibilities in my head, carefully stroking Jason's hair in the meantime to keep my fingers occupied. I wasn't dead. That eliminated the possibility that I was part of the "They". I'd spoken to Kit and Bertie not two days ago. I'd know if they were, I would have been told. Which just left... oh god.

I felt my stomach churn as I thought of the chance. His parents.

Of course, I knew what losing someone felt like. I knew what a huge gap losing your role model, your hero, your idol left in your life. But to lose two of the people that should have been loved the most in someone's life... I couldn't even imagine the pain. I'd almost lost my mother, almost lost Joseph. But never had I ever considered what actually losing them would really be like, because I was confident that God had sufficiently shown how much he hated me without having to do those things.

And, as I laid with Jason, processing what he'd just told me, I realised that this just proved that it could happen to anyone, at any time, even if they had done nothing wrong. Even if they were as kind and beautiful and loving as Jason Clark was, it didn't stop bad things happening. Jason was as undeserving as they come, and look what happened to him. And here, dear reader, is where we find the very moment that I stopped believing in God and miracles.

I wanted to tell him that it was all okay, that it would get better, that it would all blow over eventually. But I couldn't. Because if I did, then I would be lying to him. And I didn't lie about shit like this, I just couldn't. It was something that wasn't done. I couldn't lie to him because I loved him, and lying would just hurt him far more than necessary. It would hurt the both of us. And I wasn't willing to risk that.

So instead, I hugged him just a little tighter, as if I could keep him safe from everything that had just happened to him. As if I could chase it all away. As if I could make it into just another nightmare. "Oh, love," I murmured into his black hair, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "I'm sorry. Fucking hell, I'm so sorry." Of course, it wasn't as if "sorry" could change what happened, but I had to be there for him now - it felt wrong for me not to be. He needed me, I needed to comfort him. Especially now I knew that, to a certain extent, I did understand what he was going through. I had to help him. I had to make sure he would be okay. And why?

Because I was more certain now than I had ever been that I loved him.

outfit . here
tagged . jacey-face~
words . 1,573
notes . you are a horrible person.
credit . coding by chloe, lyrics by william beckett

[/color][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[jason lee clark]

Borea could live for a long time. I wasn't sure of the ratio but I knew we aged like... 1 year for every ten or so we actually live? After we age to our teenage years of course. I'll look like what I do now for... a long while. My parents, even though they were a few hundred years old, didn't look older than 30 themselves. It was the way of borea. I wasn't expecting them to be gone so early. They... didn't deserve it. My parents didn't fight with anyone. They didn't do anything that was considered horrible or terrible or anything. Like I said before. They tried to stay under the radar for all of my life and most of theirs. They were good people. I didn't think any Light Borea could be anything but a good person. My parents especially.

Caleb was warm. I'm not sure why that was something that stuck out to me right now. But he was warm and I liked it. I liked feeling the warmth. My house growing up was always exceedingly warm. It was always bright and happy. The house was decorated with bright colors and sun ornaments. My room was a bright yellow my entire life. (I also blame that for me being gay too). Warm was nice for Light Borea's. The sun. Warmth. Everything warm. Caleb was warm.. and it made me feel better. Slightly. As much as I could. I didn't think I would feel better for a long time... but I kind of had to because the way it seemed, I was going to end up looking after a baby now. Raising a baby even. I still wasn't sure what I was going to do about that and I wanted to tell Caleb about that.

I pulled back from our embrace and kissed him quickly. It wasn't like I normally kiss. Normally the kisses I give are gentle. I didn't think there was anything gentle about that one. I didn't care. ”M-My mom... S-she was p-pregnant.”

[/b] I stuttered out to him as I was still crying after I kissed him. I did that because... well. He was here. Even if I didn't think I wanted him. I did. I really did. ”T-they s-saved the baby, though. I-it's a g-girl. I-I have a s-sister.”[/b] I didn't know why I felt like I needed to tell him that as I wiped tears off of my cheek and hoped I would be able to calm down soon. I didn't like crying. Light borea were made to be happy. This wasn't happy and I felt bad about not being happy. I knew I had a reason to be sad... I just couldn't be happy. I think anyone would understand.
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/color]

Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ it would have been longer but I lost the one before and didn't have the energy to type that much again. <3[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb~[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

There are times where you know that you're going to be hurt, and you're going to be hurt badly. These times are horrible, because the world slows around you and almost implodes. The type of injury can vary - physical, emotional, mental - which is what makes these moments so terrifying. You can pretty much see it happening, and you have no idea how you can stop it, or even if you can stop it. The best thing to do in these situations then, really, is to brace yourself and pray that by some miracle, you won't be hurt too terribly. Of course, that's if God is even real. And that's a whole other debate.

It was as if we were both having one of these moments, our worst nightmares synced and playing opposite one another. Jason losing his family, me having to watch him crumble - that was what was happening. This wasn't who Jason was, and I couldn't possibly stress that enough. It felt so wrong to see him in such a state, sprawled on my bed and crying like his life didn't have a purpose anymore. It hurt, of course it did, but it nearly felt... perverse. Like I shouldn't be watching him break, because I knew how I felt when I cracked in front of him. It wasn't a pleasant thing to feel, so why was I subjecting him to that too?

Because right here, right now, I was absolutely sure that Jason Clark needed me. And that I needed him just as much. I needed him back. It was wrong, him being like this. I couldn't possibly imagine what my life would be like if his smiles and light faded. I would probably be in a very different place, actually. Somewhere where fluffy white wings would spring from my back, or flames would lick at my feet. Most likely the latter - like I said, I wasn't exactly in God's good books. Either way, as melodramatic as it sounds, I'm certain that he was the reason I hadn't let go. He didn't care that I attracted so much bad luck. Which was good, because really? It was ridiculous how much misfortune I invited.

That thought caused me to briefly wonder if it was my fault that this had happened. It was ridiculous, really - how on earth could it be my fault? - but it wouldn't surprise me, judging by how much I'd caused in my lifetime. However, those thoughts quickly left my mind when the kiss landed on my lips. It was rough and hasty, not like Jason at all. It was almost urgent, as if he'd never see me again. And of course, I couldn't really blame him. I knew what it was like to be wondering what could be taken from you next. Of course this wasn't my fault, at least, Jason clearly didn't think so. I was just someone to turn to for comfort, not someone who could cause something so awful.

The next part was a bit of a blur to me. I only picked up certain words from the string that Jason actually said. A sister. He had a sister. A sister... that was a baby. Last thing I knew of, babies needed... looking after. Taking care of. They could't look after themselves. And of course, what with Jason being twenty years old and her brother, he would have the choice as to what to do with her. There was a little voice in my head that was telling me that there was no way that Jason would... because... oh, gosh.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, nibbling my lip. My brown eyes were a little wide as I looked at him, and I wiped a few of the tears from his face as I thought a little more. My brain was asking all sorts of weird questions that I knew I needed to ask. I needed to be certain, because it was... a lot to take in. That was, if I was reading it correctly. I was pretty sure I already knew the answer, because this wasn't just a kid we were talking about. This was Jason's last living family member - he'd need something to remember them by. Or in this case, someone. "Jason," I said softly, looking at him a little more coolly than I really intended to. "Are you saying that we... y'know... k-keep her?"

outfit . here
tagged . jacey-face~
words . 1,573
notes . you are a horrible person.
credit . coding by chloe, lyrics by william beckett

[/color][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[jason lee clark]

Watching Caleb's reaction to what I told him... I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not but I was aiming at not. His eyes were wide and I was sure that meant he was freaking out. Hell. I was freaking out. I didn't know anything about raising a baby and it looked like I was going to be raising one now. I nodded to him before another sob let out of my mouth. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't just send her away. I couldn't. My parents wouldn't want me to do that. They would want me to grow up and raise her as if she were my own. And... I'm gay. Adoption is kind of the only chance for me to have kids anyways.

"I-I have t-to, Caleb."

[/b] I muttered out in a low voice as more tears fell out of my eyes. I held onto him as tight as I possibly could because well... he was kind of my rock right now. I needed him and he knew I did. I wanted to tell him how. That it was werewolves... but I didn't think Caleb would take too kindly to that as it would be his own species. I wouldn't tell him unless he asked. I couldn't lie... so I'd have to tell him. "I-I need her."[/b]
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/color]

Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ it would have been longer but I lost the one before and didn't have the energy to type that much again. <3[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb~[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

Honestly, I didn't know what I expected to hear. I wasn't expecting a No, but I wasn't prepared for a Yes either. Both words had the potential to change things between the two of us, and if I was honest I didn't know which response I would have preferred. If it was a No, there would be a lot of grieving for a long time, and I wasn't sure how much of that I could take again. I wanted to think that I could do it, for him, but I really wasn't certain. I probably would have managed, but there would be a possibility of that not happening. There would be a possibility of losing him, and I didn't want that at all.

But what about the Yes? Then there would be a child in our care, a child. I was seventeen years old - I shouldn't have had to be making bigger decisions than whether to go to college or not, or whether to play Sonic or Pokémon. I shouldn't have to be making scary grown up decisions, and neither should Jason. Jason wasn't even twenty one. How on earth were we, of all people, supposed to sufficiently look after a child? No matter how much I wanted to keep Jason with me, in my life, I really wasn't sure if I was ready to do something like this.

So all I could do, really, when he said that he had to and that he needed her, was blink. I held him a little more tightly, rubbing my hand in slow, comforting circles on his back as he cried. What could I do, could I say? I couldn't do this! I was still pretty much a kid myself. I would be for just under another year. I'd done so much before that I'd thought had been impossible, but this? I couldn't. I didn't trust myself enough, simple as. I didn't feel ready yet. This wasn't meant to be happening for a long time, so now... now was simply out of the question.

But as I looked at him properly, about to say no, that I couldn't do it, something inside my head snapped. All of a sudden, all I could see was flashes of Joe's life in my mind. Him as a baby himself, when I hadn't quite turned six. I remembered helping mum look after him, and actually maybe being there more than mum actually was, because of what had happened to dad not a year before that. Playing football with him, teaching him how to ride a bike, helping him with homework... I'd done it all.

And then I realised that, actually, this was what Jason probably felt. His sister was to him like Joseph was to me. I'd die before I let anyone take that kid away from me. I didn't know what I would have done had anything happened to him. While he was turning after the vampire attack, I felt lost. I didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't take my mind off of him. And even though Jason's sister's life seemed to be pretty safe, I could now see where he was coming from with the feeling. I understood it now.

Not that I hadn't understood it before, of course. She was his last surviving relative, Of course he had to keep her. He couldn't give her away, and I had been selfish for thinking that he could for even a second. I had just been thinking about myself when I was going to say no, and that was absolutely awful of me. In fact, I could hardly believe it of myself.

"Okay," I breathed hoarsely, nervously, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply, just to calm myself down. It wasn't until I did that that I realised how little I had actually been breathing since he nodded yes. I'd taken in the smallest, shallowest breaths. Hyperventilating. Shocked. Maybe even a little frightened. I had been all of those things.

I sighed out the air I'd taken in, and pulled back a little from him, so that I could see his face and he could see mine. "Alright. That's... yes. Let's do that, then." My face had taken the form of a sad, slightly strained smiled as I looked him in the eyes and earnestly nodded. This was his sister, his family, his life. And if I needed to be, then I would be there to support him every step of the way. Because I loved him, and he loved me, and that was all we ever really needed.

outfit . here
tagged . jacey-face~
words . 1,573
notes . you are a horrible person.
credit . coding by chloe, lyrics by william beckett

[/color][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[jason lee clark]

I just knew what I had to do. I didn't know about what Caleb wanted to do or what he would do. I knew from the moment I heard the news from the police that I was going to take my baby sister and raise her as if she were my own. I was going to do all the things my mother and father did for me when I was growing up. When she is upset, I'll give her hot chocolate. When she's cold, I'll give her a little ball of light to play with and it'll make her smile and forget about being cold. When she's bored, I'll take her to the park and run around with her. If I follow what my parents did for me, there shouldn't be a reason my baby sister wouldn't turn out to be the best little borea in the world.

I knew all of that, but none of that included Caleb. I hadn't expected him to help. I wanted him to, sure. I figured he'd be there sometimes, of course. But... him agreeing. It just made everything a little better. A few more tears fell as I tried to stop myself from crying. A sob fell through my chest. Caleb was here. He wouldn't hurt me and I would be okay. Maybe... there was a reason my parents passed. Maybe the reason was so Caleb and I would get closer with my baby sister. I looked at him and kissed him softly. "I love you. So much. Don't ever leave me."

[/b] I told him as I buried my face in his neck.
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/color]

Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ it would have been longer but I lost the one before and didn't have the energy to type that much again. <3[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb~[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

I wanted to be able to wake up from all this, or to find a way to wake Jason up, because it was quite obvious that one of us was having a nightmare. It would most likely be him, since he was the one who'd just gotten so much misfortune. None of this was real, Jason's parents weren't dead, Jason's little sister wasn't ours to look after. But it was all too terrifyingly real by now for it to be a dream. And if it were a dream, then surely I wouldn't be feeling the mix of emotions that I was then. Surely I wouldn't even be experiencing this at all. But I was, we were.

I didn't even register the effect that my agreement had on him, if I was honest. I was kind of expecting it. Of course, I'd just made things a little easier without quite realising. But I couldn't focus on that - I was just silent, chewing slowly on my lip as I thought about the implications of what I had just agreed to. It wasn't as if I was the girl's legal guardian? Jason was. It wasn't exactly set in stone that I had to stay and look after this kid. But I wasn't one to break a promise, and by saying I would help, I had to really mean it. I had to really want to try.

My mind emptied almost immediately as Jason pressed his lips carefully to mine. I gently brushed my fingers through his hair as he kissed me, trying as hard as I could to make myself believe that this was just like any other conversation, any other kiss. None of this was really happening, surely. Maybe if I tried hard enough, everything would fade into oblivion and I could just enjoy the moment. Maybe if I focused hard enough on normalcy, it would actually come around. Maybe if I worked hard enough on just forgetting, I could turn this kiss into one like any other, one that made me feel like I was walking on clouds.

But I couldn't. Because this had just gotten more serious than I could even comprehend. A life was resting on this now. A real life. And even though I was certain that it would have been fine had I said no, that it might even have been what he was expecting me to say, I couldn't turn it down, not when there was another little person involved. I knew how much it would mean, and even though I was hesitant (not frightened - I didn't get frightened), I knew that I wanted to do whatever I could to make this easier for everyone. And if this was part of the whatever, then so be it.

I don't know why, but something inside me dropped a bit when he said what he did. Maybe it was the fact that he thought he needed to tell me that in the first place. Maybe it was because he actually thought that I was going to do something like that. Maybe it was because he'd seen the thought flicker across my mind for just a second, even though I wasn't aware of it happening myself. Or maybe... maybe it was a call for help. A plea. I couldn't ignore something like that.

Pulling away from his touch slightly, and placing a gentle finger to his lips, I shook my head, the ghost of a smile flitting across my face. "Now, why on earth would I ever do something like that?" I half-heartedly teased, pushing a soft kiss to his forehead. "I love you, and I think that's all that matters, really." And it was true. That was the main reason I was doing what I was. I didn't want him unhappy, to the point where I'd put my own happiness at a huge risk just to ensure his. Was that love? Or was love something completely different?

Either way, I think the warm, fluttery feeling that I got every time I looked at Jason pretty much summed up the word "love". If we just remembered that much, I was sure that we'd make it through this fine and well. "I'm here for you, m'kay? And you have to remember that."

outfit . here
tagged . jacey-face~
words . 1,573
notes . you are a horrible person.
credit . coding by chloe, lyrics by william beckett

[/color][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]