Broken Inside [Brent]

[chase michael jackson]

There was always that saying in life. Your past follows you and haunts you. Chase never really thought about the saying. He had said it before, sure. It was one of those saying that slipped off his tongue in a normal conversation. Then again, he hadn't really talked to many people in his life. He tried to shelter himself. He was constantly afraid of people getting close to him. Getting close enough to hurt him because he wasn't sure who was nice and who was mean.

It took Chase a long time to get close to Brent. Longer than it would have for a normal person, he thought. He would have normally just ignored Brent. Or anyone that tried to get close to him. He still couldn't believe he actually got close enough to Brent that he was actually dating him. And that he got Brent fired because of it. He wanted to be happy with Brent. He really did. Chase wanted to trust him because he seemed like someone Chase could trust. Chase has had a rough life.

He couldn't tell Brent. His father had made it quite clear that if he told Brent, then Brent would cease to exist and Chase couldn't handle that. So... Chase decided to do something that would help him get through his horrible father being at Northvale. He had stolen something from Alex's secret stash. He would deal with the repercussion later. It looked like tequila. Well. Okay. It was tequila. Then Chase went into the forest with the idea that he was going to drink away his troubles. He hadn't done that before. He had always been so adamant that he wasn't going to do anything involving alcohol. He didn't want to... but if his father did it, then why couldn't he do it. That's what his mind was telling him.

Chase stumbled into the forest, the bottle, unopened, in his hand and tears falling down his face. Once he was deep enough into the forest, he fell against the closest tree he could find. He didn't know what he was doing. He wanted to be normal. Chase wanted to have a normal life with a normal family. He wanted to be normal. He wanted to be someone that didn't have scars on their wrist. He wanted to wear short sleeve shirts and not worry about how people are going to judge him on what he did in the past. Chase held the bottle he had close in his hands and didn't know if he really wanted to do this. He didn't want to drink. He didn't want to feel this way. He wanted to be with Brent and he wanted to trust him. He didn't want to have these thoughts and he didn't want to have the life he had.

When he finally thought life was getting better. When he finally thought life was becoming better and better because he was away from his father, he didn't have anything from his past, except the scars, that were distracting him from living his life. He occasionally had nightmares, but then Brent came in. Brent made him feel better. Brent held him when he was down. Brent told him the things he needed to hear. Brent was just... there. He was something different than what Chase was used to and he needed that. He needed different.

He wiped at his face, trying to get the tears to stop but it not really working very well as he grabbed the bottle and looked at it again. It wasn't until then, that he was looking at the bottle, that he realized that wasn't what he wanted to do. This wasn't what he was needing. He wasn't going to drink. That would make him like his father. Instead he needed an escape. A part of him wanted to stay clean. To go back to the school and find the drum set to get his mind off this. Instead... he didn't. He thought about all the things happening. His father. Him not being able to tell Brent. Everything. His hand was shaking as he took the full bottle of tequila and smashed it against the ground. A piece of glass cut him, but that was minor.

Chase picked up one of the pieces of glass. The bigger and sharper pieces. Then he pulled up his shirt so his forearm was showing and he put the glass to his arm. He looked up, by now he didn't even bother stopping the tears falling from his eyes. He felt his back pocket burning where his phone was. He should call Brent. He should tell him how he was feeling and that he needed to some help. He should call someone. No. He couldn't do that. He couldn't stop and call someone when he was so close already. So what if he fell off the wagon. He had every reason to fall off the wagon because this was something he should fall off the wagon about. His father was here. His father was going to make his nightmares true. He couldn't even take refuge in Brent, the one person he thought was going to always be there for him.

Looking down at the glass and his arm, Chase wanted to stop himself. He even saw Brent's face. He would probably be disappointed if he saw fresh cuts on his arms. Chase didn't want him to find out. Maybe he would just be extra cautious around him until they scarred. He couldn't imagine them taking too long to heal after he was done. He supposed it depended on how much he cut. He wouldn't know that until after he started cutting because he didn't know what would make him feel better and what wouldn't make him feel better.

Taking a shaky breath, chase applied pressure to his forearm and felt the glass cut through his skin. Almost too easily. He wanted pain. He wanted to feel. He closed his eyes and cut across the flesh. Not enough yet. He wanted more. He picked up the glass from his arm and went down farther. He cut again. He repeated this three times before he opened his eyes and looked down at his arm. There was... strangely a lot of blood. He didn't remember there being that much blood when he did this, but he hadn't cut in a very long time. He leaned back against the tree, trying to figure out whether or not he was done. His arm was numb. He cut one maybe a bit too deep. He was losing quite a bit of blood.

It still wasn't enough.

He looked back down at his arm and cut again, thinking about his father's hands around his neck, threatening him. Telling him he was going to kill Brent. Telling him how worthless he was. Telling him how he shouldn't be gay. All of it. He needed change. He needed to be normal. He wanted it. He didn't want to be worthless and he definitely didn't want to cut, but he had to. He really truly believed he had to cut and he was going to cut. He did it again. And again. Before he knew it, there were about ten cuts on his arm. There was blood everywhere and he was starting to feel dizzy. Chase couldn't remember actually cutting this deep before. He couldn't remember seeing this much blood on his arm. When he was little and he started to cut, Chase only cut a few cuts at a time. He never did anything more because normally he didn't have the time to without his father coming to yell at him.

Chase's head was spinning as he leaned it back against the tree. He didn't feel well. This wasn't normal for him and he didn't know what to do. He was thinking about death. And how even though it would probably hurt a few people, in thelong run things would be better. Things would get better. Brent would find someone else. Someone better that didn't have the scars Chase did. That didn't have the problems Chase did. Chase was damaged. He was damaged and no one should even want to be with him. He didn't understand why anyone would want to talk to him, let alone be with him. Brent was everything Chase wanted. He was sweet, in his own way. He was cute and funny and they even had the same interests. And Chase knew Brent was there for him.

Except now he wasn't. Now Chase couldn't tell him what was bothering him. Now Chase couldn't tell Brent that the man he hated most in his life was back to torment him forever. He couldn't tell him because if he did then he would risk Brent's life and Chase didn't want that. He couldn't tell anyone and that's why he almost didn't even care if the cuts on his arms killed him or not because he was already dead on the inside anyways. He'd been dead for a long time.

With his eyes closed, he let himself drift into something that was deeper than sleep. his arm was throbbing, but he liked the pain and the feeling it gave him. This was better than drinking. It made him feel while the alcohol would numb the pain, he wanted to feel the pain. He wanted to know it was real. He wanted to know he was still alive even when he thought he was dead. And maybe, just maybe. He wouldn't be alive for much longer. His past had caught up to him, and he couldn't handle it.

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Outfit

[/b] ---------- Clicky!
Notes[/b] ---------- ndsuifb;-;
Tagged[/b] ---------- Brenttyy~
Song[/b] ---------- Miss Missing You – Fall Out Boy[/center]

[brent zachary mckinney]

Brent was rather proud of himself for successfully securing himself with a new job. It didn’t change that much but it meant that he could get some more money. He knew he was definitely going to stay with Robert for good now, despite how cramped and pathetic the siren’s flat was. Brent was even considering forcing his friend to get a job so that they’d both have some more cash. However, somehow, even though he was unemployed and had been for a long while, Robert could afford to live a relatively normal life without a job. Brent reckoned he’d taken to stealing since the thought didn’t surprise him in the slightest.

It was the weekend so Brent thought it would be absolutely fine to pay Chase a visit and tell him the good news (and check on Dan too, of course). The downside to this newly-formed plan of his was that he had no idea whereabouts the soul faerie would be. He supposed the best thing he could do was to ask around to see if anyone had spotted Chase wandering around recently; it was better than searching about with no clue as to where he should look.

Thankfully for the crossbreed, it didn’t take long to get some helpful answers out of people. He’d asked a couple of lads sat on the lawn if they’d seen Chase around and, after a few long moments were spent thinking, they said they’d seen him head over to this forest. Brent immediately thought that it was a little odd for Chase to be going there, presumably by himself, on a nice day like this. Meh, he’d find out what his boyfriend was up to soon enough if he got a move on. If luck was on his side, Chase wouldn’t have gone too far into the forest and it wouldn’t take the rest of the afternoon to find him.

Once he’d thanked the students for their unexpected cooperation, Brent traipsed over to the forest, aware that he should hurry up or something but not wanting to. The upside was that he surely had a better chance of finding Chase if he’d fallen asleep or something because he had more time to examine his surroundings by moving around at such a slow pace. Brent called out Chase’s name as he walked around, praying to Hephaestus that the faerie would be able to hear him because he didn’t feel like searching through the whole of Northvale Forest.

Twenty-five minutes had passed before it occurred to the man that he could just ring Chase’s phone to see where he’d ended up. He pulled his phone from his pocket and then called – but he didn’t get an answer. Brent was beginning to get worried now. “Chay? Pick up your phone. I’m in the forest looking for you. Okay? Okay. Good.” Brent rushed the message, his eyes darting around the trees anxiously for any sign of the teen as he gabbled into his phone desperately. He was seriously starting to panic now. Brent had a bad feeling about this.

Visibly, Brent looked different after he’d failed in his attempt to contact Chase via their mobiles. He’d been forced into a state of worry that left him jittery with nerves and anticipation. He stumbled more than usual, becoming careless with his footing. Without him being aware of it, his fingernails dug into his palms and repeatedly scraped across them. His teeth bit at his lip, almost drawing blood and irritating the skin. His face had turned paler, a greyish-white that suggested that he was in the midst of a freak out. Brent wasn’t familiar with these emotions. It wasn’t anger and hatred and frustration, it was fear and desperation and love that were messing up his brain. Being angry was better to deal with in his opinion.

Chase still hadn’t called him back. What if he was dead? Or seriously hurt? What if he was too busy with someone else? Brent’s jaw clenched at the last possibility. He had issues with jealousy and always had but he tried convincing himself that he was simply being paranoid. Honestly, Chase could’ve fallen asleep with his earphones in. That would be a totally logical explanation for not picking up his phone! Brent would call again and he would notice his stupid fucking phone and pick it up. For the second time, Brent called his boyfriend but this time it was different. This time he heard Chase’s phone go off and almost smiled in relief. I say almost because he had no idea what state the soul faerie would be in. Brent headed towards the sound and caught a whiff of something. Tequila, maybe? What the hell was Chase doing with that? He picked up the pace, only stopping when he’d found who he’d been looking for. At least Brent could rest assured that his mental freak out hadn’t been over nothing.

“Ch-Chase? Chay? Answer me, p-please?” Brent voice was barely more than a squeak as he practically fell to his knees beside Chase. He took in the smashed glass, the blood, the cuts and thought he was going to throw up. But no. He needed to keep as calm as possible and get help and do something useful for once in his measly little life. What on earth were you meant to do when someone was bleeding to death right in front of you and you were already wound up over that someone.

One hand caressed Chase’s cheek gently, Brent’s thumb smoothing over the white skin while, with the other hand, he dialled 999 and when someone answered his call Brent’s mouth could barely keep up with the speed of his words and they all spilled out in a jumbled mess. The person on the line seemed to catch the drift though. Someone was coming to the rescue. Chase would be fine. Brent couldn’t remember what else the guy had said to him as he hadn’t been listening properly. He couldn’t concentrate with Chase covered in cuts and blood like this.

Brent moved his hand away from Chase’s face and sat down next to him then unwrapped the leopard-print scarf from around his own neck. Being as gentle as he could, Brent moved Chase’s injured arm so it was lying over his jeans, ignoring the blood that was going all over his clothes and hands. Tightly he wrapped his scarf around Chase’s arm to help prevent him from losing more blood. That would help, right? Right. He was so good at this medical shit. Brent hugged the wrapped-up arm to his chest to keep it upright and ensure the scarf didn’t unravel itself. He held his boyfriend close as he impatiently waited for the paramedics to arrive. “You’re gonna be okay. You have to be okay, Chase. For me.” he whispered into the fae’s brown hair before planting a kiss to the same spot.

Outfit: Clicky! ❦ Notes: MY HEART;-; ❦ Tagged: Chay~

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[chase michael jackson]

There are those times in your life that when you're in a really deep sleep, you don't want to get up. Chase couldn't say that he didn't want to get up... he just didn't want to be living so he supposed there was a difference somewhere in his mind that changed the two answers. In his blood loss induced sleep, he heard Brent's voice. At first, Chase thought it was a dream. He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting in the forest, but he didn't understand how Brent could have found him. Or why. But that was a different sort of question. He wanted to wake up for him though. He wanted to open his eyes and look into Brent's brown ones. He wanted to feel happy like before his dad had came and found him. He wanted to be in his moms arms even. He wanted to have a normal life and he could never have that. Never.

Chase tried to wake up to Brent's voice on the phone. He was scared. Chase could tell that even in his sleep. He wanted to wake up and comfort Brent because he sounded scared and Chase didn't like that sound. But he couldn't. He kept trying, and failing. He felt Brent's hand on his cheek. It was such a caring gesture. Chase didn't realize that he had someone that could do it. Sure... he knew Brent cared about him. He just.. Chase didn't even think anyone would find him out in the forest. Let alone someone that cared and someone that was Brent. Chase wanted to kiss him. Tell him everything was fine. Chase wanted to tell Brent that the world would be better off if he wasn't in it. That Brent would be better off without Chase in his life because then he wouldn't have someone coming after him that wanted to kill him. And that was capable of it even with Brent being a fire faery and a siren.

Then it clicked with Chase. Brent was calling paramedics. He was calling someone that might take him to the hospital and Chase wasn't old enough to be in the hospital without a parent yet. He was only 17. Chase could feel his heart beating faster as he was trying to wake himself up. Well. At this point he was already up, he just couldn't get himself to open his eyes or move. He was panicking and he could barely breathe anymore. His dad was in town. He wouldn't have a choice but to tell the hospital that if they asked because this wasn't just an accident. This was an on purpose accident. He felt Brent put what felt like a scarf around his arm and he wanted to smile. Brent loved his scarves and he was sacrificing one to Chase for his arm to stop bleeding. He wasn't allowed to be nice like that when Chase was so down on himself.

Fresh tears were falling down his face as he tried not to freak out, but didn't work. He was awake, but he couldn't open his eyes. He wanted to open them because Brent was here. Brent made him feel better. Brent made everything better. Chase remembered the first time Brent saw Chase cry. They were in the theater room and Chase didn't know Brent was even there when he went in there. He just wanted somewhere to go and cry. He found Brent. That was also the first time Chase kissed Brent. Of course Brent pulled away and it left Chase feeling terrible about himself, but that wasn't the point. The point was Chase had told him what was the matter then. He had told Brent what was the matter when he came to his room in the middle of the night crying from a nightmare. This... he couldn't. He couldn't just open his eyes and tell Brent what the problem was. He couldn't tell him that his father was back in town. But... at this rate. It was going to happen.

Chase tried opening his eyes more, but couldn't seem to do it. He didn't want to look in Brent's eyes because he was going to be disappointed in him. Chase went back to cutting like he had before, but this time it was a lot worse than before. He had cut more, and had cut deeper. He needed to tell Brent to take him somewhere else and not let the paramedics take him to the hospital, but he couldn't get the words out. He couldn't even open his eyes. His arm was being moved. Through the numbness, he could feel that. He felt the scarf first, but now it was higher. He was pretty sure at least. It was when he felt the kiss on his head that he forced his eyes open finally. Brent didn't deserve this. Chase didn't want to hurt him. He just wanted to not exist. Was that so hard? Tears were still falling out of his eyes as he moved his head to look at Brent. He felt Brent's pain, and even though it wasn't the pain Chase had wanted to feel, it made him feel worse. He still felt incredibly weak as he opened his mouth to say something. ”B-Brent...”

[/b] Chase started, trying to think about what he wanted to say. There was a few things, but the thing that was on his mind the most was his father. ”M-My dad... h-he can't be called. I-I'm 17... T-they'll try.”[/b] He wasn't even sure what he just said made sense, but it was worth a shot. Brent knew about his father. Knew what he had done and knew Chase's past...if anyone could get them not to call him, Brent would try.

Chase took his uninjured hand and wrapped it around Brent, burying his head into Brent as he did so. What Brent had said... that had got to him. He wanted to be dead. Don't get him wrong. He really, truly, didn't want to be here anymore because he was tired of feeling the pain every single day of his life. If his dad was back and trying to make his life a living hell again, then he wanted to get away whatever way possible. If that was by killing himself, then he thought that was better. But Brent... he really truly cared about Chase. It might take awhile for Chase to wrap his head around that completely, but it was true. Chase could feel it in Brent. ”I-I'm s-sorry.”[/b] Chase muttered into Brent, a deep sob coming out of him without him even realizing it was there at all. ”I'll be alright... f-for you.”[/b]

Even though he didn't want to be, Chase knew he needed to be. His body was trying to send him back to sleep, but he was fighting it. He knew that maybe a part of him should be mad at Brent for calling someone, but Brent was just doing what he thought needed to be done in order for Chase to be okay. He wouldn't get mad at that. His dad just couldn't know anything about this. Chase wondered what would have happened if Brent hadn't been the one to find him. What would have happened if his dad found him. Or another vampire. There was a lot of blood... Too much. Chase was sure he would have died. Would he have wanted that though? It wasn't why he started to cut. He wanted to die when he was finished, but Brent would have been upset... he thought. Maybe it was for the best this way. Even though he was planning on hiding the cuts from Brent in the first place... he was sure he wouldn't have been able to completely. He would have found out either way, and this way brings the two of them together. Maybe in the end... it would be worth it. Chase liked to cut anyways. Chances are he would have relapsed eventually. They say it's incredibly hard to stop cutting if you don't have someone to constantly watch your every move. And especially if you're alone for any period of time during the day.

Chase really didn't have anyone. Brent was it when it came to people he was close to. Kage/Johnny was fairly close, he supposed, but he still wasn't super close to them. Ethan... was Ethan. Alex was always moving around and doing things. Most of the time it was just him. He had to do things alone. He went to class by himself. He did homework by himself. He didn't do anything else. He sometimes got to see Brent. Sometimes he got to hang out with Brent. Other than that... he really didn't do anything. He didn't have a chance to do anything so he didn't. Chase was one of those loners and most of the time he was perfectly alright with that. He didn't feel the need to do anything. He didn't feel the need to hang out with people. People just made him feel awkward. He was pretty sure being alone just added to his loneliness, however. Which in turn probably added to his depression, which was never a good thing. In the end... there was nothing he could really do. Unless Brent decided to stay with him 24/7, which couldn't happen because he still had classes, he had a strange feeling he would always resort back to the cutting. He would always have depression, and this might happen more than once. ”I c-couldn't s-stop m-myself, Brent.”[/b]
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Outfit

[/b] ---------- Clicky!
Notes[/b] ---------- ndsuifb;-;
Tagged[/b] ---------- Brenttyy~
Song[/b] ---------- Miss Missing You – Fall Out Boy[/center]

[brent zachary mckinney]

It came as a complete surprise when Chase’s eyes opened. The hybrid froze for a few moments and then let out a sigh of relief. Brent had been expecting him to stay unconscious because he’d learnt the hard way that it was best not to get his hopes up over things. He almost started freaking out again and then remembered that Chase was weak and not capable of dealing with his freak outs at this very moment so he couldn’t. It hurt him to see Chase in this state, tears streaming down his face. It put him on the edge of tears now too but he had to be strong here.

That was right. They’d call Daddy Jackson. Fantastic. Brent thought he’d somehow manage to convince them not too, although he didn’t know how yet. He’d think up something awesome on the spot. He’d have to tell them what Chase’s father had done in the past though or maybe say he was Chase’s dad? He didn’t know what would work. Brent forced himself to smile even if he really didn’t feel like it. “I’ll talk to them, don’t worry.” he reassured the teen and reached up to wipe away his tears.

Brent was struggling to hold himself together here. Over and over and over again he had to keep telling himself Chase will be fine. He had to be or Brent didn’t know what he’d do. Maybe he’d turn into his own father and be some heartless psychopath. Nah, maybe not. It was more likely that he’d end up more like Robert: a drunken mess of a tramp. Basically, Brent didn’t want to imagine life without Chase though because it looked pretty dreary.

He kept holding on to Chase once the fae had buried his head into him. Everything was warm and bloody but he honestly didn’t care. Brent winced slightly at the ‘I’m sorry’ which made him feel bad because Chase shouldn’t be sorry if something or someone had driven him into cutting again. That something or someone should be sorry. Brent wanted to ask why this had happened but he knew that now was the wrong time so he’d save it for later. “It’s okay, Chay, it’s okay.” Brent thought his attempts at being soothing weren’t completely diabolical for once.

The paramedics should arrive any moment now, Brent thought. Or wished, anyway. They couldn’t take long since the guy he’d been on the phone to had obviously heard how distressed he was. Brent had his fingers crossed that he’d been more help than trouble with his makeshift bandage. It was a terrible feeling to have someone you loved put their life at risk like this. And maybe Brent should be pissed off because Chase didn’t deserve to hurt himself because it damaged Brent too but he couldn’t. He just felt useless because he hadn’t been there to stop it from happening. Personally, he’d never had difficulties with cutting or other forms of self-harm (apart from the occasional burn when he was having a pyro moment) because he valued his body too highly for that. Considering those thoughts might lead one to believe that he was disgusted by Chase’s body but he wasn’t. The scars and the cuts were part of who he was and Brent accepted that. He didn’t like the reasons behind them, that was all.

“I know. But I love you, and when you hurt yourself just remember it hurts me too.” he murmured. Brent wasn’t sure if that was the best thing he could say but it was the truth, so it would do. It was better than him telling some lie about how he didn’t care about what Chase did to himself.

Outfit: Clicky! ❦ Notes: MY HEART;-; ❦ Tagged: Chay~

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[chase michael jackson]

Brent would talk to them... that was all Chase needed to hear. No matter what, Chase could trust Brent, right? He was pretty sure he could and that meant that he was going to be okay for sure now. He wasn't sure what he would have done if Brent hadn't said he would figure it out. Chase would trust him because he couldn't deal with his dad ending up at the hospital right now. He wanted to tell Brent he was in town. He wanted to tell him that so Brent would be prepared but knew that it would end badly for him. Brent couldn't know about Chase's dad. He couldn't know he was in town because if he did, and Chase's dad killed Brent, Chase wouldn't be able to live with himself anymore. He wouldn't be able to because he knew what his dad was capable of, and he couldn't put murder past him. Especially now he was a vampire.

Chase closed his eyes again and tried not to drift back into unconsciousness. He focused on Brent's heartbeat. He could hear it now that Chase had gotten closer to him. It was beating steadily. A heartbeat is something that shouldn't change unless you die. It always beats. It's always there. Something steady. His heart wasn't beating normal right now. It was going faster in an attempt to make up for the blood loss thanks to Chase's cuts. He knew his heart was doing that because it was simple anatomy. Chase wanted to drift away from reality for just a bit longer, but he didn't want to leave Brent and he knew that would happen if he succumbed to the darkness. He might wake up again, sure. But not for awhile. Chase was forcing his eyes to stay awake. Focusing even harder on the beating heart in Brent's chest. He was there fore him. He wanted Chase to live, so Chase was going to keep his eyes open.

The words “it's okay” echoed in his ears long after Brent had actually said them. He didn't think things were okay right now, but he wasn't going to say that. Chase hadn't wanted things to be okay, so he didn't understand why Brent was telling him things were okay. If Chase had had his way, he would be dead right now. Brent ruined that... but Chase was sure if he told someone that, he would be put in a psych ward. He was actually fairly sure he was still going to be put in a psych ward for what he did but Chase couldn't stop what was happening right now. Brent did what he thought he had to. Chase was going to deal with it either way. A sob escaped him without him realizing he was crying even harder as he just held onto Brent.

Chase stayed there for awhile. Sobbing into Brent and holding onto him. Sometime during the sobbing, Chase picked up the smell of alcohol left on the ground from him smashing the bottle. He suddenly felt the strange need to defend himself. He didn't drink it. He couldn't drink it. He couldn't be like his dad. He refused to be like him. He would rather die, obviously, than be like the bastard that raised him. ”I-I didn't d-drink it. I-I s-swear. I c-couldn't.”

[/b] Chase blubbered into Brent. Hoping he would believe him because he would take the cutting as something he did all day long, but he would never want someone to think he was drinking when he wasn't. Chase wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to move... but he was pretty sure Brent wouldn't let him. He almost wanted to run away from the paramedics so he wouldn't have to be taken to the hospital, but he thought that Brent wouldn't like that either. He even considered shrinking because that would make a smaller body for his blood to circulate. He didn't know what to do, so he just stayed where he was.

The words that Brent said in return to what Chase had said made Chase's heart beat a tad bit faster, if that were even possible at the moment. Brent loved Chase. And if Chase hurt himself, it hurt Brent too? Chase wasn't used to that. He didn't have that kind of relationship with anyone. So, of course, it made him sob even more. The sobbing almost rendering him unconscious because it was taking more energy than Chase had at the moment. Chase didn't want to hurt Brent... but he also wanted to hurt himself. But if Chase hurt himself, he hurt Brent. Chase's head was hurting as he tried to figure out what that meant. He was fairly certain it meant Chase couldn't hurt himself unless he wanted to hurt Brent as well and Chase was not alright with that. ”I-I lo-love you t-too.”[/b] Chase stuttered out. A combination of his social anxiety and that fact he could barely breath at the moment being evident in how well the sentence came out of his mouth. AKA, not very well at all. Although his social anxiety normally ceased when he was with Brent. Brent had always been different. Ever since the very first day they met in the gardens. Brent didn't leave Chase alone. They talked. They both liked movies. Chase confessed his heart out not too long after that. Things had always been different with Brent and Chase liked that. He liked being with someone that made him smile. He just wished he realized this before he had cut himself so much that he was useless.

”I-I'm s-sorry I h-hurt you.”[/b] Chase muttered, still stuttering because he simply couldn't help it. He kept his face buried in Brent's chest. Trying to stay awake, still crying because of what he had done. He didn't care that he had hurt himself. He cared he hurt Brent. He would never be able to apologize enough because he never wanted to hurt Brent. He wanted to be with Brent. He wanted to be happy and he wanted Brent to be happy. That was why he was cutting. He was cutting in place of him telling Brent his dad was back. He couldn't tell Brent that, so he cut. He didn't think about the counter effect it would have on Brent. He didn't think he would cut enough to knock him out, and he definitely didn't think Brent would be the one to find him in the forest. It was a weekend though... it made sense after it was already done. Chase closed his eyes, not meaning too and started drifting off into unconsciousness before he caught himself again. He didn't want to go back to sleep because he was afraid it was going to scare Brent again. He had been relieved when Chase woke up. Almost like he was afraid Chase wouldn't wake up. Chase wasn't afraid of that... he was afraid of it hurting Brent. He was so much less valuable than Brent was. Brent deserved to be happy. Brent didn't deserve to feel pain. Brent didn't deserve to feel sad. Chase deserved all that and more.

Lifting his head, Chase looked at Brent, his eyes not wanting to stay open even to look at the man he loved. The man that had lost his job because of him. Brent and Chase got together against all odds and they were still together. And now Chase couldn't even look him in the eye because he was so weak. He thought about how horrible that was and how much he wanted to go back and change it. He couldn't, of course. The stuff he did already happened and Chase couldn't go back in time and redo them. He thought that if he could... he might redo Brent being the one to find him, but he was still sure he would have cut. Some, at least. Cutting was the thing he went back to. He constantly went back to it. He couldn't stop himself. He had been clean for a few years now, and this was a major relapse, but he would always go back to it no matter how clean he stayed.

”I c-can't stay a-awake Bre-Brent.”[/b] Chase told him. He wasn't sure what to do. He needed energy and he needed blood. Those were two things he was positive he needed and he wasn't sure how to get them. Maybe energy... he could get energy from emotions. Right? Chase felt around Brent's emotions. He couldn't find a happy one... but it didn't have to be happy, did it? Chase didn't think so. He latched onto the fear in Brent. And tried getting energy off of it. It still wasn't making much of a difference. He still couldn't obtain enough energy to not make him feel absolutely horrible inside. He was weak and he was going to fall back into unconsciousness any moment now even if he didn't want to. ”Help...”[/b] Chase pleaded, having a hard time keeping his head up as he looked at Brent with pain in his eyes.
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Outfit

[/b] ---------- Clicky!
Notes[/b] ---------- ndsuifb;-;
Tagged[/b] ---------- Brenttyy~
Song[/b] ---------- Miss Missing You – Fall Out Boy[/center]

[brent zachary mckinney]

Brent noticed when Chase’s eyes closed and began to panic right away because he wasn’t going to be able to deal with sitting here with an unconscious Chase while he waited for the paramedics. That would possibly drive him round the bend. Right now, although the fae’s eyes were shut, Brent was pretty sure that he was still awake. Or fighting to stay conscious. And, hopefully, that was a fight that he’d be capable of winning.

When Chase started sobbing more, Brent exhaled deeply to keep himself from falling apart. He needed to be strong here. Tears were for… non-Brents. One thing he hated doing was crying because it messed up his makeup and made his eyes and skin go all ew and was generally very embarrassing. Brent did his best to stay calm-ish and ran a hand through Chase’s hair. The crossbreed wanted to say something soothing to his boyfriend but he couldn’t find the right words.

It took a few moment s for Brent to realise what Chase meant. The alcohol he’d smelt hadn’t been consumed. Chase had seemingly been planning on drinking it at some point though, which worried him because this was Chase. Chase + alcohol = big nono. Something bad must’ve happened. Questions were for later though. He didn’t want to risk upsetting the soul faerie further when he was so weak. “I believe you.” Brent whispered, his voice growing quieter as he struggled to control his emotions and not cry. But there was another issue here. The one in which Brent had accidentally caused Chase to sob more and therefore waste more of his energy. Hephaestus, he couldn’t do this. The stuttered ‘I love you too’ kind of broke him. When the first sob forced its way out, Brent couldn’t manage to stop. He wasn’t sorry. How was he not meant to be an emotional wreck when Chase was bleeding out everywhere and Brent felt partly guilty and extremely worried of the consequences of Chase’s actions?

“You didn’t mean to.” Brent’s words were muffled by his sniffs and his voice was quivering. As if Chase would ever purposely put him through such emotional trauma on purpose. It was unthinkable. He felt pathetic; reduced to a grizzling mess on the forest floor. What had his life become? Really, it didn’t bother him because this was all for Chase but he still felt uncomfortable displaying such raw emotions here. It was unlike him.

Unless Brent was going crazy, Chase appeared to be growing weaker. He kept feeling his body droop slightly like he was about to drift off again. The possibility made him feel exceedingly anxious. Chase’s head moved to so they were face to face now. He was still holding on and Brent felt proud of Chase for not giving up already. The bad thing was that Brent had no idea what to do. He was terrible at this sort of thing, hence why he was just a receptionist at the hospital not an actual doctor. “Wh-what can I do?” Brent asked, hoping he’d be able to get an answer out of Chase before it was too late.

Outfit: Clicky! ❦ Notes: MY HEART;-; ❦ Tagged: Chay~

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[chase michael jackson]

Chase hadn't wanted Brent to find him. He hadn't wanted to be found by anyone, let by Brent. He hadn't... but he was kind of glad he was. If he hadn't been found in the middle of the forest by someone, then he would probably have died. There was still a chance he would bleed out before he got the chance to be saved, but he wasn't going to think about that. He thought about Brent's arms around him as he tried his hardest to stay awake. He tried not to fall into the deep sleep he knew he shouldn't lapse into. He needed to keep his eyes open for Brent. Right? Yes.

Hearing the I believe you come out of Brent's mouth was something Chase needed to hear. He didn't know why he thought it was so important that Brent didn't think he had drank... but it was. If he had drank, he wouldn't be any better than his father and Chase never wanted to be associated with his dad. It was someone he hated with every single being in him. Chase thought that that reason alone was the main reason he had cut so deeply. He didn't want to be put with his dad. He was still 17. His dad had already mentioned that fact to him. Chase was a runaway and he legally should be living with his dad. He had forged some signatures for him to be able to go to Northvale. Even forged a fake phone call. Sure, he would be expelled if they knew, but he wouldn't have been able to if he hadn't, so he did.

It wasn't long before Brent started to sob with Chase and that in itself broke Chase's heart to hear. He didn't want Brent to cry. That was opposite of what he wanted. He wanted to go back in time so this whole thing would never have happened. Although, if he couldn't go back in time and stop his father from coming to Northvale, then he wouldn't be able to stop himself from cutting. That was the problem here. That his fucking father couldn't stay out of his life because he was worthless and a drunk and a lot more words Chase didn't feel like saying because they were really terrible.

The blood was still coming out of his arms, he could still feel the warm, sticky feeling of blood on Brent's scarf. He would have to buy Brent another scarf after he made it through this. If he made it through this. No. He had to make it. For Brent. Because Brent didn't deserve to be unhappy and Chase was causing him to be at the moment. Chase moved his good arm and put it lazily on Brent's cheek and tried to give him a small smile. He wanted to just tell him why he did it now. Although he was sure if he really did make it through this, then he would have to tell Brent after. He didn't think he would have a choice if he wanted to continue being with Brent, and he did. More than anything. He never wanted to leave Brent. He had a feeling Brent wouldn't let him be alone for awhile. That's what his mom did one time when she had found out Chase cut. Next thing Chase knew, he was being bombarded by his mother almost 24/7. Not that he didn't mind it. He was pretty sure it was around then that he got his first drum set because his mother thought it would keep his mind away from cutting. It worked for awhile. Until his father got more abusive because Chase got older.

The you didn't mean to kind of hurt him a bit more. Sure, he hadn't meant to hurt Brent. But he had meant to hurt himself. That wasn't much better, was it? Maybe not, maybe it was. He didn't have the coherency to figure it out as he kept looking into the brown eyes he loved so much. He tried to think back to when they first met. How Chase was so amazed he had talked to Brent almost right away. It was one of those things that just happened... and he wouldn't take it back for the world. He was so glad he had met Brent in the garden. How they talked about music because that was something they both loved. Then when Chase had broken down that one day and ended up running into Brent. He had been so sympathetic and nice about it. Even if it ended in Chase awkwardly kissing him. Chase remembered how stupid he had been when he tried to ignore Brent for the next few weeks. He hadn't wanted to make things awkward between them, and it hadn't really. They ended up laying and watching the stars that night. Chase would always remember that. It wasn't too long after that he had ended up running into Brent when he was in his siren form. That was when they shared their first real kiss. After that, it was always new firsts. When Chase had a nightmare and went to Brent's room. He had slept with him for the first time. Nothing more. Just slept with him. And that in itself was one of the best firsts. When they first made love, that was another wonderful first. The fact it came right after playing music together really made it special in his mind.

They had shared so many firsts, and Chase didn't want to stop. He was sure there was many more they could share. He was going to stay alive because he wanted those first. Chase leaned in and kissed Brent gently before laying his head on Brent's shoulder and burying his face in his neck. Then, he finally whispered to him. ”That was just in case.”

[/b] Chase did it for selfish reasons. He wanted to be able to kiss Brent one more time in case he didn't make it. He wasn't sure if Brent would get that, but he told him in case he did. Chase finally closed his eyes when his head was on Brent's shoulder. He used that moment to get a little more energy by stealing it from Brent's fear. The fear was a strong emotion. Even though it wasn't a good emotion, it would work. He almost went to shrink because that seemed like a good idea... but he wasn't sure he had that kind of energy. Instead, he was going to answer Brent when he asked what he could do. Of course there was nothing really he could do to help. Chase thought he heard footsteps coming toward them and figured that would be the paramedics. This was it. Whether Chase was ready or not. He just hoped Brent would be able to keep his father away.

”Stay. Never leave.”[/b] Chase told Brent as he pushed his lips against Brent's neck while his face was there. He breathed in through his nose and took in Brent's scent. He was going to go unconscious on his own terms. That meant he was going to stay awake for as long as he possibly could before giving into the feeling. His arm was still numb. It was still horrible and painful and if Chase hadn't done it himself, he would have thought that this was so uncomfortable he shouldn't have done it. Yet he had done it himself so he had no one else to blame but himself. Or his father. When in doubt, he could always blame his father because it was his fault his life had been so horrible. ”Also, d-don't tell anyone I'm in the hospital. No one. Not even my friends. I only want you there.”[/b] Chase muttered as an after thought. If anyone else but Brent knew Chase was in the hospital, it might make it's way around to his dad and then he wouldn't be able to stop him from coming to the hospital and finding out. That was just what he needed.

With the arm that was injured, Chase made a fist. He wanted to make sure he still was able to move and feel it. When he did, he could feel the pain shoot up his arm. That wasn't a very pleasant feeling though, so he decided he wasn't going to try doing that anymore. He just hoped he wasn't going to have to do anything like that for the people. Then again, he wasn't going to be able to fight it off much longer, so he supposed it wouldn't matter. He wouldn't be able to wake up again until he was better, if he got better, of course. He would though. He kind of had to. Brent wasn't giving him the option of not being okay and Chase wanted to be okay for Brent and Brent only. Using the last of his very little energy, which was mainly what he took from Brent's emotions, he sent a telepathic message to Brent as the paramedics finally found them. The message was only three words, but they were I love you. Which was one hundred percent right as his last energy was used and he became unconscious once more.
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Outfit

[/b] ---------- Clicky!
Notes[/b] ---------- ndsuifb;-;
Tagged[/b] ---------- Brenttyy~
Song[/b] ---------- Miss Missing You – Fall Out Boy[/center][/quote]