Rise and Fall [OPEN]

[caleb andrew winston]

It’s funny how quickly everything can crumble around you.

And, by funny, I don’t mean ha-ha. I mean the type of funny where you’re climbing up a flight of stairs in the dark. You always seem to think that there’s one more step then there actually is, causing the sickening moment of surprise as your foot falls through the air and hits the floor. You’re left feeling stupid and unsure of your next step. However, although I wanted my situation to be just as simple and meaningless as that one, it was almost the complete opposite.

I skittered out of the hospital doors, my face worriedly pallid and my hands clammy. It would probably have looked comical in nearly any other situation, and I would almost definitely have been laughing had anything else been happening. Even if I was gravely ill, even if I was the person who was infirm, I probably wouldn’t have changed. But right now? No. Anything else would have been so much better. Not this. I couldn’t do this. I just… I could not deal with this.

I darted away from that building as quickly as I possibly could. I needed to go. I couldn’t just stand there, like my mother was, with her scared blue eyes and her stifled sobbing. I couldn’t watch, like that stupid nurse who was on hand with tissues and coffee, as if that would help anything. And I most certainly could not help, no matter how much I wanted to. I had to run, to leave. I couldn’t just stay there. I’d been in that situation one time too many already. It wasn’t going to happen again.

Especially not now, now that I was old enough to remember every last detail.

The definition of a bite is a wound or a puncture made by an animal or insect. However, this definition is not technically correct. A bite, although it is an injury, doesn’t necessarily have to be made by an animal or an insect, although those are the most common. Unless you count a vampire as an insect, which I most certainly do not, even though I felt like I had every right to at that moment. I couldn’t. I just didn’t have the energy to bear any kind of animosity then.

All I could do was hope. Hope that he wouldn’t die; hope that he would make it out alive. Hope that the damn leech would see that he wasn’t just a meal, that he meant something to people. He was all that was left for me and my mother. If he left? I would have failed. As if I hadn’t already. At that moment, the anger that had been boiling inside of me finally began to surface. I wasn’t angry at him, nor my mother. Not even the little parasite that bit him. No, I was just absolutely furious with myself.

As my feet pelted the ground, I looked down at the white scar that painted my forearm. Even if I had succeeded then, what had happened now? Sure, I would have died in the process. But come on. It was so very worth it. I would much rather have died than seen my little brother, lifeless and pale in the arms of a vampire, two puncture wounds solid in his neck. However, you’re probably wondering why my brother being bitten was so serious. Quite a few faeries, wizards, sirens - people got bitten every day. So why was Joseph of any importance?

See, it’s slightly different with humans. Allow me to explain. With a faerie, a sorcerer, or a siren, there has to be a certain amount of venom injected into the bloodstream for them to be affected in any way. However, with humans… there doesn’t. One bite, and if the meal isn’t finished, the transition starts. The odds of the person living are the same – fifty percent. Still, the science of the change is slightly different, as I learned the hard way.

I hate to admit it, but if I’d have known what that wolf was that night, I never would have pushed Joe out of the way, never would have subjected myself to this. I don’t regret what I did, though. I don’t ever think for even one second that I shouldn’t have done it, because I knew I should have, no matter how much I hated - still hate - what it made me. This time was different, though. I would have pushed him out of the way in a heartbeat, had I known what was going to happen to him. Instead, all I could have done was watch.

And now, here we were. My mum in the hospital, waiting to hear if her son was dead or undead. My brother, lying in a hospital bed, his body undergoing such a radical change. And me, running away from the hospital as if my life depended on it. As far away as I could, too. I didn’t want to be within miles of that place. Not right now, not when I couldn’t do anything, not when I felt so entirely helpless.

In about five minutes, I found myself in the middle of the woods. I had no clue where I was, or why I was here, but I didn’t need to know, and I didn’t really care. This was secluded, away from everything else. This was lonely. Lonely enough without me being scared. Not that I would have been scared anyway; I was just… too angry for that right now. I hated myself for not doing anything. I sucked. I wasn’t worthy of being there, being here, if I couldn’t help anyone. If I didn’t do anything. If I just stood by and watched bad things happen. Watched! And I could have stopped it, had I been sooner!

A furious scream tore free of my throat, and I aimed a punch at the closest thing I could see, which happened to be an old, tall tree. It should have hurt, what with the roughness of the bark under my knuckles, but it really didn’t. Enhanced strength and durability and all that. Fucking werewolf abilities. I hated this, I hated myself. I could have done something! I could have done something about this! And what had I done? Watched!

I kept punching and kicking and screaming until my knuckles were bleeding, my toes were numb, and my voice was raw. What else was left to do but... ugh, what. As if I could help anything. I’d been about as helpful as a walrus with no limbs as it was. So how would this make it any worse?

I crouched at the foot of the tree, hiding my face in my hands so that no one would see the tears now streaming down my face. Boys didn’t cry, especially not boys like me. No one could see this now. Especially now that my soft cries had become loud, ugly sobs that showed just how angry I was. How depressed I was. How broken I was. Yes, even though Northvale had taken its time, it had broken me. Just like I feared it would.

If this hadn’t broken me, I didn’t know what had.

Outfit: Clicky!
Tagged: Anyone!
Notes: I don't even know how this happened. It just did. I'm sorry. ;___;
Lyrics: The Reckless and The Brave by All Time Low

[jason lee clark]

I'm not sure why I wanted to walk through the forest. It's dark and scary and it kind of creeps me out if I'm honest. But there's just... something about it that I had to go for. It's like... Do you ever get that weird feeling in your head that there's somethign about a certain place that you just need to be at. You need to go see. Something. I'm not sure what the reason was that I was in the forest, but I was. I almost gave up with my stupid feeling and went back to the school to play some video games or something when I heard the sobbing. My mind was instantly worried that someone was hurt as I opened my palm and gave myself some light. As much as I could produce at least and then I started walking toward the sobbing.

When I peeked through the trees to see Caleb there, crying. My heart just about jumped out of my chest. "Caleb."

[/b] I whispered, pain in my voice as I ran over to him and went down on my knees to be at his level. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and pulled him into me without waiting for him to tell me I could or anything. This was an important matter that did not need waiting to get approval. "Are you alright? What's wrong?"[/b] I mutter as I hold him. Even if I've never had friends before... I'm not going to let the ones I do get be sad and cry. I just... can't.

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/color]

Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ asdfghjklCaleb. ;_;[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb~[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

Even when... when Dad had died. I'd never been this bad. But that could be because I was pretty young when that happened. This, though. It was the strangest of feelings to be experiencing, really. It was certain enough for me to know at I didn't like it, that, in fact, it was one of the most awful emotions I could even be feeling at that time. Because... well. I'm not even that sure how I explain the feeling. It was like... my whole world, which had been spinning so wonderfully, so colorfully, so happily had slowed down. It was still fast enough for me just to catch a glimpse, but slow enough for me to be able to watch it shatter around me.

As melodramatic as that sounds. Take it as you will.

Just... just why though. Did God hate me? Did I do something wrong? Was it just something to do with me full stop? Because, no, I hadn't been punished enough by being made into what I am now. If anything, that was a good deed. I'd kept Joe from experiencing what I was now. He was younger, more vulnerable than me. Both in personality and outward appearance. So why target him for something that I did wrong? He was eleven! He was a damn child! And, last I remembered, it was illegal to do that to a kid of his age anyway! So.. so why? I just couldn't understand it!

So here I was, at the bottom of this tree. i knew that, if I wasn't careful, someone would hear me and, God forbid, ask what was up, what was going on. There was just no way I could give a straight answer to that question at all. Because, well, what wasn't going on? I felt almost suffocated by the amount of thoughts that were going through my head that day. There may have only been one major thing going on in my life at that particular moment in time, but there was too much going on in my head. I was at the bottom of the tree, but my mind was, I don't know where.

I wanted to stop this. I wanted to be able to go back to that hospital, wanted to be with Joseph through what were possibly his final days, but I couldn't. No matter how much I wanted to get up, I was rooted to the spot I was curled up in. No matter how much I wanted to stop crying, the sobs just wouldn't slow. And no matter how much I wanted to stop this, I couldn't change the situation I was in. And that was the worst part of it, I think. Knowing that I was completely powerless to do anything.

I didn't see him there. I mean, I heard the footsteps, how they were fairly quick, as though the person was hurrying to their destination. If that was the case, then they would just go straight by me, without a second thought. I didn't need to know who it was; I just knew that, if my hunch was right, then I'd be ignored. So I didn't bother seeing what else I could pick up about the person. If I had, I would have known that he was a dude, and that he was a Light Borea. And I only knew one Light Borea that was a boy that would bother hugging me like he was. Jason. Fuck.

"Jason?" I said quietly, incredulously, resisting the incredibly strong temptation to pull back and glare at him, and instead hiding my face in the material of his shirt. What on Earth was... but... what? He was a frickin' Light Borea! The woods were dark! "What the fuck are you doing here? You hate the woods!" And, come on. I loved the guy, he was awesome. But it was as if someone had let a kid roam freely in the woods, with no one to supervise them. A kid. That's what he was, despite being just over three years older than me. That's what I was, really. Difference was, I had a reason to be here.

I didn't say that, though. I couldn't. I knew that it was just all this talking, and I wasn't about to let it make me harsh and bitter to those who didn't deserve it. I was all for fairness, and that was by no means fair at all.

I ran a hand through my hair, exhaling shakily. That. That question. I couldn't really give an honest answer. Not a straight one, anyway. I knew that admitting it to Jason would mean admitting it to myself, that there was a very high chance that my little brother would die at some point during the next week. And I hadn't even had the opportunity to say goodbye, or anything. I'd been too late to help him, too, and for that, I was paying the price. Maybe that was the reason. Maybe God wanted to hurt me for being too slow. I wouldn't put it past him, not after this.

"G-Gosh," I breathed, pulling back just the smallest bit. I knew how to verbalise it, it was just one small sentence. Thing was, I just couldn't get it out. Not yet. I gave a small shrug of my shoulders, and after fiercely wiping my tear-stained face with the back of my hand, I spoke. "Where do I even start." I said, with a hollow laugh underscoring the words. There was nothing in the laugh, nothing behind it. It was just me trying to make light of such an awful situation and failing miserably. I knew I was failing. How could anyone, let alone me, make this situation good?

Outfit: Clicky!
Tagged: Anyone!
Notes: more like asdfghjklJace;_;
Lyrics: The Reckless and The Brave by All Time Low

[jason lee clark]

What was I doing here? Well... that was an incredibly wonderful question that I couldn't even answer myself. Caleb knows me well enough to know I hate the forest. I just don't like scary things in general. Like under my bed, the dark, being alone. Those are the kinds of things I tend to avoid at all costs. But here... here was different. I just felt something in me that said I needed to go in the forest. Maybe this was it... maybe I was told by someone to go in the forest because of Caleb. That was the only possibility I could think of. No one should cry on the forest floor alone. I didn't like when people cried in general. Caleb was always so... happy. I didn't even understand how he was crying. I mean I obviously knew something was so wrong to the point of him crying. That's why I was here though. That's why I was sent here. To make him better. To get that amazingly cute smile back on his face because it should never leave.

Now after all of that thinking. I still flinched when he said the f word. It wasn't nice. I knew he was upset and everything. But the f word is just plain mean and Caleb isn't a mean person.

"Don't swear."

[/b] I whispered with a sad kind of face before telling him why I was in the forest. "I'm not sure why I'm here... but it's a good thing I am."[/b] It was the best thing in the world that I was here and not back in my dorm room playing video games like I would have normally. Like I had actually wanted to do. I took the small ball of light that had been in my hand while walking and let it hover above us so we could see each others' faces. His was covered in tear stains. I reached up and wiped away some of the fallen tears for him before kissing him on the forehead without even thinking about it. "I'm not going anywhere. You can tell me all you need to tell me and I'll never leave."[/b] It was a promise. A promise I would never break. I'd always be there for him. He was my first true friend, and I want him to always be my friend. And I'm not going to ever let my friends be sad. "I'm here."[/b]

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/color]

Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ asdfghjklCaleb. ;_;[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb~[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

It was weird how quickly a person could change. It often varied which was what was so weird about it. At some times, it could be at the drop of a hat, with someone almost immediately changing, right before your very eyes. It could be anything that sparked it, it could be just incredible acting. But the other type, which was much more common, was just a gradual build up of things, of thoughts, that just got too much to handle. Then something would happen - big or not - and then the person would just crumble. Completely collapse, no matter how strong they might have been before. Neither was particularly pleasant, but the second was worst. Because it was gradual, it was more painful for longer.

As I'd learned the hard way, really. I guess it'd started with my dad's death, even though I'd been fairly young. I'd still had to take care of my brother. But that didn't make sense. Although it was occasionally stressful, and though we'd argue sometimes, I thought that I loved taking care of Joe. But then, over ten years, the negativity would have gradually accumulated. Maybe I'd been the only one who hadn't seen it? Of course, being turned didn't help. This was all making a scary amount of sense.

It'd taken Joseph's "death", really, for me to realise that I wasn't happy at all. I'd just convinced myself, and everyone else, that I was. When really, everything that I hadn't resolved had just been eating away at me. It'd taken that to realise that I was just like a spring, wound up tight and ready to jump. And before that, I'd had no clue. Which, to some extent, scared me. Because it was, it was scary. Just exactly how easily I had deceived myself and everyone else was a terrifying thought.

I hardly thought swearing mattered now. I was upset. My brother was dying, for god's sake. I thought I had a right. But when I looked up at him quickly, a frown on my face, about to tell him to... well, to do something that really wasn't very pleasant, I saw the look on his face. It was... kind of sad. Maybe empathetic. I looked for a moment... and I couldn't. I just couldn't be horrible to him. Not now, not when he was just trying to help me. My face softened, and I ducked my head in shame. "Sorry, Jace," I muttered apologetically. "I just... I dunno." I exhaled shakily, nibbling my lip. I couldn't have been horrible about it if I'd have wanted to.

A good thing. Well. I guess it was, actually. One of the better things that could have happened to me that day. I don't know what I would have been like had I been left alone, if I'd have even made it back that night. As dramatic as that sounds, it's true. I was in a pretty dark place. I could have done whatever I liked. Whatever my mood told me to do. I could have gone too far. It wasn't even as if many people would have missed me. As far as most were concerned, I was just another face that roamed the halls (admittedly, a little more loudly than most).

A strong word, or "hyperbole", if we're being technical, is a word that is used to exaggerate. Words like "hate" and "always" were common examples of this. And, unfortunately, "never" was one of my favourite examples. Even though there was something, something that told me he meant it, that awful, pessimistic voice in my brain was trying to tell me otherwise. I was trying equally as hard to ignore as I lifted my eyes to his once more, and gave an almost half smile. "Really?" I said quietly. "Because, y'know, never's a strong word and all that."

It then struck me that I had a bit of explaining to do. Well, more than a bit, actually. Because of my normal self, because I was normally so happy... this must have come as a huge shock to the system for Jason. It must have felt wrong for him. It felt wrong for me, too. It just... everything was wrong. At the very least, nothing was quite right.

But anyway. He'd told me that I could tell him whatever I needed to tell him. But what was that? What did I need to tell him? I didn't really need to tell him anything, even though I felt like I wanted to say something. The philosophy that best friends had to tell each other everything was, in my opinion, a huge lie. I didn't expect that of Jason, and I know for a fact that he didn't expect that of me. That meant that any secrets could stay secret, up until you decided to tell whoever it was that you wanted to know. And I felt like... I felt like I wanted to. I don't know why, because mere minutes ago, I hadn't ever wanted to face anyone again.

Maybe it was just the fact that I knew Jason really cared, that he wasn't looking for anything he could use against me, and I knew he never would.

I sighed. "Well, let's see..." I said, trailing off as I began to think. One sentence. That was all. It would take mere seconds. But how did I put it into words? How did I actually verbalise the whirlwind of thoughts that was racing around my mind? I didn't want to go into too much detail, but I didn't want to give too little either. And I really, really wasn't sure where the middle ground was.

Subconsciously, my eyes flitted down to the white scar on my forearm as I gathered my thoughts and spoke. "Right," I began, taking a deep breath. I still didn't know what the hell I was going to say, nor how on earth I was actually going to deal with admitting it to another person. But I felt like I should. "Okay. So... y-y'know I have a little brother? Shi- Stuff happened, and..." I had to stop then, just to take another breath, collect my thoughts, steel myself for what I was about to say.

I still hadn't lifted my eyes from the scar as I said "Long story short. He might be dying."

Outfit: Clicky!
Tagged: Anyone!
Notes: more like asdfghjklJace;_;
Lyrics: The Reckless and The Brave by All Time Low

[jason lee clark]

Was never a strong word? It was one of those words that I felt like I should say in times like these. I wasn't going anywhere though. It was almost like... I couldn't leave Caleb. I mean. He's my friend now. Why would I want to leave someone that is so much alike myself that I don't think I could ever find a friend as amazing as him. I wasn't going to leave. That much was for sure. "I mean it though, Caleb. I'm not leaving. I'll take you with me if I do."

[/b] I told him in a small voice. I meant it too. I really did and I hoped he realized that. I felt bad for telling him off for swearing... but I don't like it. I guess you can call me childish for not liking it, but I honestly don't care. I was a childish kind of person and Caleb knew that and still wanted to be my friend. So I say a big tongue in the face of whoever doesn't.

I listened to wait for him to say what was bugging him, but I don't think I expected something along those lines to be what he told me. His... brother might be dying? That didn't sound good what so ever. I didn't have any siblings, so I guess I couldn't empathize with him, but I could definitely sympathize with him. If I lost my mom or dad or someone else I loved.... I would feel horrible. And if his brother was dying right now... that'd be even worse. I almost didn't know what to say to him. I was a little awkward in situations like this, but it didn't stop me from reaching out to grab his hand and lacing our fingers together. I gave his hand a squeeze and I didn't bother asking what was wrong with his brother. I didn't ask him what was going on or anything like that. Instead I just wanted to make sure he knew I was here. And just like I said, I wasn't going anywhere.

I pulled him closer in my arms, if it were possible, and just held him. I wasn't going to do what most people would and say it would be alright because well. It might not. I nuzzled my nose into his hair and kept it there for a moment, just letting both of us be close to one another without anything else in the way. Then, very quietly, I whispered to him, "I'm here."[/b]



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Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ asdfghjklCaleb. ;_;[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb~[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

The thing is with strong words, you never know when the person using them is being serious, being truthful. That's why they're called strong words. Don't get me wrong, I'm not normally one to have trust problems. In fact, I'll believe whatever I'm told with little or no questions asked, as long as it's plausible. However, I'd heard the word "never" a few too many times to automatically believe it. Not that I wouldn't, it would just take a bit of persuading. Which is unfair, but it's just how I work.

Which Jason had obviously realised, because he said it again. Well, not the specific word. And, although I wasn't normally one to believe a "never" so quickly, something told me that he really, really meant it. That he really wasn't going anywhere. Because, come on, what reason would he actually have to lie to me? He wasn't a liar. No, it'd probably hurt him to know that I'd considered the possibility that he was lying. It was hardly like we hated each other, either. In fact... it was just the opposite, really. He was most definitely my best friend. At least.

So, blinking back tears a bit, I gave him a gentle nudge with my elbow, something almost resembling my usual grin tugging at my lips. It wasn't fair, wasn't fair at all. Being cute shouldn't have been allowed, judging by how emotionally unstable I was just then. I'd probably just start crying all over again, and we couldn't have that, now could we? "Don't be adorable," I muttered, nibbling my lip as I looked up at him, my brown eyes jokingly earnest. "You'll set me off again."

Immediately, I felt awful for smiling, for joking around, for being happy. No one else was. Especially not my mother, especially not Joe. So how could I be? My smile faded almost automatically, as quickly as it had come, and I looked down at my forearm again, where my scar was. It only reminded me of what I'd done to keep Joseph out of the school, out of this whole different world, in the first place. Even if I didn't know what I was signing up for when I did.

I'd always been a bit of a reckless twat, hadn't I?

Good fortune, as I had learned the hard way, was incredibly hard to come across. And even when you did find it, some evil god somewhere decided that, whoops, you weren't meant to experience it, and so gave you some awful happening in your life to balance out the universe. And, oh, how my universe was balanced. I thought maybe it was a little too balanced, leaning into unfair, with someone else getting the good luck I felt that I deserved, that I'd never really had in the first place.

My eyes flitted up from my scar and landed on my shoes, on Jason's shoes. I remembered how, not even two weeks ago, they were intertwined, as we laid on Jason's bed, falling asleep with the other there as company. I remembered how happy I felt then, how contented I was to just lie there. Oh, what a contrast it was to our current situation. Sure, we were huddled together in almost the same way, but instead of feeling happy... I felt something different. Something I didn't like. I felt hollow, which was probably worse than feeling as unhappy and as unfortunate as I did.

I wasn't expecting what happened when I finally did admit what was up. I was expecting a full blown interrogation, because people were curious. And, although I would have understood and wouldn't have blamed him for that, I don't think I would have answered any questions about it. I wouldn't have been able. Not without either completely breaking down, or just... raging, I guess. There was just too much going on in my head for a real, deep, honest conversation.

When I felt Jason's fingers interlock with mine, I looked down at our hands, his white skin like ivory against my own. I hadn't been expecting silence, I hadn't been expecting this. I was prepared for something completely different. I was prepared for questions, or an "I'm sorry" at the very least! Not this! I wasn't expecting... I wasn't expecting any real kindness, any real attempt at comfort, even though I was sure Jason would have meant it, had it even been said. I was expecting an obligatory phrase, repeated time and time again by so many people.

My eyes then found his, maybe a little wide, maybe a little surprised. He didn't tell me it was okay, that it was going to be okay, because he knew that it might not have turned out that way. I was grateful for that, because it would save me the disappointment if things didn't turn out the way that he would have said. I was grateful for the fact that he wasn't potentially lying to me. Because no one likes being lied to. No one. You can even ask around, if you don't believe me. It doesn't settle well with anyone.

That was all I needed to hear, to be told. Those two, small, seemingly meaningless words. Thing is, they weren't meaningless at all. Not to me. I didn't want to be asked a million questions, nor did I want an "It'll all be okay". I didn't even want an "I'm sorry". No. I think what I wanted was to know that I had someone there to talk to, to cry in front of, without having to feel ashamed. He'd said it himself. He was there for me. And for that, I couldn't have been more grateful.

I moved slightly, both so that I would be more comfortable and so that he would too. I wasn't sure if I could fathom the right thoughts, because honestly? A simple thank you wouldn't compensate. It wasn't enough. But what was enough? I didn't feel as though I could do enough. Because, although it might not have meant much to the Light Borea, it meant the world to me. In fact... it pretty much meant life itself, as melodramatic as that sounds.

"Thank you so much," I heard my voice say. I really wasn't sure what to do now, as we sat together, me leaning into him as he held me. I didn't know what was going on, why I did what I did after that. I think it was because I wasn't thinking straight, because of my current situation. I didn't know what I was feeling now. Maybe it was just a need to be comforted. To forget for just a moment, although I knew I would feel incredibly selfish afterwards. I don't know what made me do it, but I found myself leaning upwards and pressing my lips to his. Only for a moment, but I did. "You have no idea how much what you're doing means to me."

Outfit: Clicky!
Tagged: Anyone!
Notes: Again... I don't quite know how this happened. He just... kind of took over. sorrynotsorry
Lyrics: The Reckless and The Brave by All Time Low

[jason lee clark]

In any other circumstances, I would find our positioning to be rather amazing. Like... I liked cuddling. It was something I almost lived for because it was so awesome. Not that I would really know before I met Caleb other than the cuddles with my mom or animals and the occasional snuggle with my pillow. Those were what starting my cuddling addiction. Right now... it wasn't a time to be happy about cuddling. I was cuddling him because he needed someone to be close to him. I understood that when you were about to lose someone, or do lose someone, it's not easy. I've lost pets before. Brothers were... probably a bit harder to lose, but it's the same concept, and I loved every single one of my fish an awful lot.

I kept our hands laced together. I kept our bodies close. I could even tell that this was something he liked. He called me adorable after all. I would call him adorable, but not me. I wasn't going to argue with him or anything though. Because that would just be... counter productive. I think. I just smiled and blushed a little bit because I could. It was a blushing matter, okay? I definitely thought it was at least. I smiled though. I smiled because even in the situation we were in at the moment, I was still happy to be with him.

I almost didn't think he was going to say anything to me after I told him I was here. I thought it would just be one of those things that we would tell each other we were here. Or at least I would tell him, and then we would just lay in each others arms. But he said thank you. In more than one way. If I was on tumblr... I would have keysmashed an entire page. That... was adorable. And cute. And awesome. And I don't even know how to explain it. My entire face felt hot as I widened my eyes a teensy bit and blushed like mad. That was... a kiss. A real kiss. Not a forehead kiss. Not a cheek kiss. A real kiss. I almost didn't know what to say to him. Did that mean we were dating? I was pretty sure kisses like... seal the deal. He didn't say anything about us dating though. So... maybe we weren't? But we both like each other. And... the kiss. That was dating kind of stuff.

I had kind of determined Caleb and I's fate before I spoke. We were dating. At least in my mind. If he didn't think so... then we might run into a bit of a problem here because I did and this was dating stuff. I gave him a timid smile, hoping my face didn't look horrible as I felt the blush on my face the entire time. "You don't have to thank me. I always help those I care about."

[/b] It was true. If I liked and cared about you... I would help you in a heart beat if I could. That's just how I roll.



[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/color]

Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ asdfghjklCaleb. ;_;[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb~[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

There was that saying. About having company. In fact, there were probably many sayings that I could call to mind about having someone there with you. "Two's company, three's a crowd." "Two heads are better than one." But, really, the one I was thinking of just then was "A problem shared is a problem solved." Or... or was it halved? I didn't know, I couldn't remember. I was still in a bit of a haze, to be honest. Not at all happy, not content... but not feeling any pain. My emotions were pretty much completely dulled. I was empty. And that was worse than feeling as low as I had. It alerted me to the fact that I'd hit rock bottom. I couldn't feel any worse from this point on.

Which was both terrifying... and strangely reassuring.

I still didn't like it, though. I felt like someone had scooped everything out of me. That on the outside, I still looked like me, like good old Caleb. But I didn't feel like me. I felt like someone else who was just occupying my body, getting used to my life, as weird as that probably sounds. The point was, I felt completely different, almost alarmingly so. It was altering my ability to think straight. I didn't know if that was grief, or just my body trying to find something to feel. Something to feel other than emptiness. If I was honest, it wouldn't really have surprised me.

Anyway. I guess I didn't appreciate the real meaning of the saying until now. Which, when you think about it, is pretty sad. It's sad how something so true can go so very unremembered. It's clearly not something we think about all the time - no, we can't afford to think about it all the time - but I don't think it's considered nearly enough. At least, I didn't then. Thing was, I'd probably just forget about it soon, anyway. Besides it wasn't as though sharing had helped all that much. If it was really going to do anything, then I'd have to tell more. Something that I really wasn't willing to do in the slightest. He hadn't asked. So why should I tell? Some things were just better left unsaid.

A thank you, however, wasn't. Because, for god's sake. That actually wasn't enough to show how grateful I was. If that boy hadn't turned up when he did, anyone could have found me. Or I could have gone off and done anything. I could have forgotten that Joe still had a fifty percent chance at life, and been an incredibly reckless idiot. I could have done so many things, or bad things could have happened. I was on my own. In the dark woods. That was bad. If Jason hadn't come along, if he hadn't talked to me, cared enough to see what was wrong... God knows what might have happened.

I guess my need to actually feel something other than anger, other than sadness, other than worthlessness had actually fueled some of my actions. Telling him he was adorable? Because of the light that he'd produced hovering above us, I didn't really need my enhanced sight to see the blush lightly dusting his cheeks, which was amazingly adorable. I'd told him not to do that. But, psh. I wasn't in the mood to argue, and neither was he, by the looks of his. I just gave him a wan smile, before looking back down at our hands. Only then did I realize how tightly I'd been holding on to him, which in turn alerted me to how much I needed the stability.

I immediately loosened my grip slightly, although I was still holding on. I leaned into him more as an alternative, burying my face into the material of his shirt once again. "Sorry," I mumbled, slightly muffled by the fabric. It was loud enough to be heard, but easily missed. And even then, I wasn't sure exactly what I was apologizing for. Was I apologizing for simply holding his hand tightly? Was I apologizing for the little wet patches on his shirt where my eyes had been? Or was I apologizing for the fact that he'd had to see me at my weakest, see me when I didn't want him to see me?

To this very day, I'm still unsure.

It was funny how I could find a peaceful moment in such turmoil. Surely there was too much going on in my mind, too much at stake for me actually to feel relaxed. But here, now, it was exactly like that. It didn't feel quite right. It was the kind of feeling that accompanied emptiness. It was almost... acceptance, which actually jolted me out of that stupor to some extent. Because, come on. There was no way that I was going to just accept that my little brother (whom I'd practically raised, mind you) was going to die painfully and morbidly, long before his time. No, our family, I had been through a bit too much already for him to go and do that.

I'd hardly even thought about the thank you, barely considered it as it came out. It was just something that I thought was due. So surely it should have been given, no matter what Jason's view of it was. He might have said he didn't want it, that he didn't need it. But, as I'd said, he had no idea how much all of this meant to me. Having a friend. Being comforted. Having someone there for you, someone that won't leave you, not even through tough times. That was what I needed. And, thanks to one, childlike, happy little man, I'd found it. I knew that, even though this was going to be hard no matter how it turned out, having Jason there would make it just that little bit more bearable.

I shook my head at him, nearly smiling, trying to ignore the cuteness of his reddened cheeks and wide blue eyes. The timid grin was a bit too much, though, meaning that I couldn't help but smile properly when I saw it. "But, see, you don't get it," I murmured, biting my lip, my smile still pulling at my lips. "I do. And actually, if I'm honest, I don't think a thank you is enough." I shuffled slightly closer, if that were even possible, and blinked up at him almost contentedly. "I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, but my main point is... really. I owe you one."

Outfit: Clicky!
Tagged: Anyone!
Notes: more like asdfghjklJace;_;
Lyrics: The Reckless and The Brave by All Time Low

[jason lee clark]

I was kind of enjoying the silence for a bit. Like... I know I probably shouldn't enjoy the silence because of the kind of situation it was and because Caleb was all depressed still and he had every right to be... but I was. I loved cuddling. I loved being close to someone. Especially when that someone was Caleb, my boyfriend. I was never going to tire of using that word now that Caleb and I were dating. Even if he didn't actually say we were dating. We were dating. It was a fact now because he kissed me and if he didn't want to date me, then he wouldn't have kissed me.

Because I liked the silence, the sorry Caleb had muttered had kind of been out of no where for me because I didn't know why he was apologizing. I didn't even know he had anything to apologize for and then he just went and said it. I thought about it, and right before he said sorry, he had loosened his grip on my hand. Had that been why? I didn't think that was anything to apologize for and I had a feeling there was more to it that just him holding my hand a bit too tight. I looked at him and gave a small smile before gripping his hand tight as well. I was here for him for whatever he needed and if that was a hand to grip exceedingly tight. Then... I'd deal with the bruises later because I was likely to bruise. I bruise easily, okay?

Then Caleb talked more and confused me. He didn't owe me one. I might not get how much this was helping him, but I definitely knew he wasn't going to owe me one. "You don't owe me anything... I'm doing this because you're my best friend. I don't even think I could do enough to repay you for being my friend."

[/b] I never had friends. I don't know why I didn't... but I never had them. So when Caleb came along, well he was a blessing. Still is. That's why I didn't see it as him owing me one when I owe him so much already. "I'm just glad I'm helping."[/b] I muttered, hoping I really was helping and not just saying words that weren't true.

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/color]

Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ asdfghjklCaleb. ;_;[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb~[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]