Post by Callum Montana Roderick on Apr 2, 2013 18:16:39 GMT
Callum Montana Roderick
Hey, my name is... Callum Montana Roderick
But most call me... Cal, Cally, Calico, Cal-Me-Maybe, Calamari, Calamity Jane, California Dreamin'
If you want to, you can label me... for your collection, but ain't no one getting a hold on the info you're looking for here ;)
I've been on this earth for... 28 years
Which means I was born... April 4, 1984
I'm a... teacher
And only a... transfigurations teacher
My eyes are... green and will stare into your very soul. Ladies, I'm sorry if you need a change of panties after seeing me.
And my hair is... perfect. Also brown.
One could say... I'll be honest, I'm pretty freaking gorgeous. Good-looking, chiseled, hott - with two t's. I walk with a bounce in my step because I'm sexy and I know it. I've got a few tats - a black and white of the North American Sorcerer's Army insignia on my bicep, an old Canadian battalion insignia on the other, and the UK Sorcerer's Army crest on my chest, over my heart. I've got more than a few scars. I have a big one on my arm from busting my arm so bad it the bone poked through when I was a kid. I've got a bullet scar on my left ass cheek and a stab wound scar on my side. That one almost killed me.
I'm normally seen wearing... Usually I dress casual, a t-shirt and jacket, some jeans. I have a lot of fatigues left over from the war, and I wear those a lot of the time, just out of habit. I'd say about 50% of the time, something on my person is camo-pattern. Whatever's in my closet, really. For teaching, they make me wear a tie, but no one said they weren't allowed to have cartoon characters or hamburgers or little Superman symbols on them. So most of them do. Sue me. I am always, always heavily armed. Guns make me feel all manly and stuff.
And I supposedly look like... Jeremy Renner
All round, I'm... a pretty chill dude. I don't take much seriously 'cos what's the point? Life's a game, so let's have fun. I don't like thinking too hard on things, it brings me down. And when other people are down, that's no good either. I like shaking things up, bringing people out of their comfort zones. I hit on everyone and it's impossible to tell if I'm serious or not. Everything is a joke to me.
If you try to bring up a serious subject with me, I'll skirt around it and deflect with humor. It's always worked for me in the past. On my own, I tend to goof off and distract myself with food, exercise, porn, or TV. I am incapable of sitting in a chair like a normal human being and have a habit of pulling out and polishing my guns at inappropriate times.
I'm in love with... Doughnuts, steak, tacos, dogs, TV, porn, reading the funnies on the john while taking a huge dump, making people uncomfortable, big guns, small guns, guns the size of your head, give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist...stout beer
Though I detest... Downers, people who can't take a joke (see downers), going more than an hour without food, sleeping excessively - what if I miss something! - cold weather - I know, I know, a Canuck who hates the cold...being unarmed
But my best assets are... my chiseled good looks, my battlefield experience, my undeniable sense of humor, my skills between the sheets if ya know what I mean...also, modesty.
However my worst... sitting still, dealing with serious subjects, paying attention to something for an extended period of time, my inability to go more than an hour without food
And I dream of... sex, mostly. Also clowns. Ha, just kidding! Seriously, though? I dunno, man, just living a normal, solid life...someday owning a swimming pool shaped like a naked lady, having a threesome with Tina Fey and Rowan Atkinson...y'know, the usual.
My life story... So this is where I tell you about my shitty childhood, huh? Fine, fine, if you insist - but don't say I didn't warn you. Oh, and if you go spreading this around, I'll curse your ass into next Tuesday.
So I'm from some nowhere in Alberta, Canada - go Oilers! And the thing about living in nowhere is that your parents, and by extension your clan, has all the time and influence in the world to mold you into a little backwoods killing machine. My mom was a top-level general in the North American Sorcerers' Army, and boy did she take it seriously. I was downing moose with curses and shotguns by the time I was 8. I knew how to survive off the land, too. So I had that going for me, which was nice. What I didn't have going for me was that my dad was half-human and a pushover, and my mom was a total bitch. He fell in love with her when he was young, but by the time he realized he could never make her happy, it was too late. It screwed with me a bit, too. I spent most of my early childhood trying to make her happy. Finally, when I was 11 or so, my dad pulled me aside and told me to take a break from training. It was no use pushing myself to make her happy, I should just do my best for me and let them take care of themselves.
Apparently that was shit advice because not long after, a gang of vamps attacked our house to get some intel Mom had been hanging onto. Mom was out, and I didn't have any weapons in my room, and I panicked at the last second, couldn't even come up with a decent spell to fend them off. They ate Dad. They ate him in front of me. I was 12, and I didn't know what to do. So I watched.
After that, Mom got worse. In her eyes, my dad had been helpless because he was half-human, but I was just as much to blame. I should have done something. I should have been smarter, I should have been faster, should have had weapons on me. It was just me and Mom, and she put all of her energy into turning me into a weapon. I was damn resilient for a kid and refused to let her break my spirit, even if I took the lessons in stride. By the time I was 14, she had me in the field with her. A werewolf bit her, and I knew what that meant, what it would make her. So, at her request, I shot her dead. I buried her in the woods, took the truck, and drove to Edmonton.
I got put up with extended family in my clan, and actually got to have a bit of fun with my cousins for a while. Those were probably the best days of my life. But the clan knew how much work Mom put into me, and they knew I had the potential to be a secret weapon. The North American front of the war was going pretty badly for Sorcerers, and they needed specialized soldiers. At just 16, I was put in the thick of it. I actually made a bit of a name for myself in the technology department. I designed modified human weaponry so it could accommodate magic. I built the first magic grenade launcher. Hell yes I did. At 20, I got shipped to the UK to fight where the heart of the war was. Anyway, by the time the peace treaties came through, I'd been in battle over a decade. It was sort of surreal, going civilian.
Now, apparently without a war on, no one's willing to pay me to play with guns and magic all day, so I had to go finding a real job. I managed to snag a position in the new school teaching transfigurations. Young minds, prepare to be molded!
I was born to... Nancy and Owen Roderick
Not to mention I have... a hedgehog named Beaver
My ooc name is... Joohlia[/color][/blockquote]
And I've been roleplaying... you remember the Mayans? I taught them how to roleplay. They were really into post-apocalyptic stuff.
The Secret Word is... PASSWORD ACCEPTED
