Story of a Girl [Caleb]

[jason lee clark]

I was glad he agreed, but something about the way he said that didn't sound right. It wouldn't be right of me to point it out though since I was faking myself. Oh well. Life needed to pick up. We had a child to take care of and I couldn't stand being around a child if I was upset. I suppose what happened was just the plan of life. Whoever was up there looking down... whether it was the Gods the faeries pray to, or just one God, or other Gods in general... it was their plan. Hopefully.

I leaned in and kissed Caleb once more while leaving my lips hovering over his for a little longer than the actual kiss before smiling and half skipping half running off to the kitchen. A mask. That's all I needed. A mask to hide my real feelings. I could do this.

I didn't look back to make sure he was following, I knew he would. I instead started looking through the cupboards. I didn't know what we had, but I knew my mom always had ingrediants for making cookies and I didn't think those things went bad. Plus it had only been a little while since they died... right? I had lost time. I started taking out the flour, sugar, and the other things in cookies. My mom and I always made lots around Christmas time.... so I knew how to make them. "Caleb, wanna get the eggs and butter? I'm hoping there are some in there..." I asked him when I knew he was behind me before looking at him with a bright, fake, Jace smile and a wink.

[caleb andrew winston]

It kind if made me feel sick, how easy it was to pretend that nothing had happened. Something had happened, something massive, but it was so horrifically simple to just ignore it. And I know that I had no business even considering that for a second, but I couldn't help but think about it as Jason softly kissed me, just as he always had, as if nothing was wrong at all. It was blatantly obvious that there was something wrong, of course. But it must have been nice to pretend. And that was what was making me feel so uncomfortable - it was a tactic I'd used so many times in the past, a mask that I'd worn, a show that I put on.

What made me so uncomfortable, was that I saw myself in him.

I hesitated for a few moments after he left the room. I was going to follow, I had to, but I couldn't for just a moment. There were too many thoughts spinning around my head; I needed to calm down too. I knew I didn't like the dishonesty, and that was probably what was making if so hard to think straight. But what I had to remind myself of was that it was my own fault - I'd never told him an outright lie, but I hadn't exactly been as honest as I could have been either.

With a heavy sigh, I left the room and made myay uncertainly to the kitchen, where he was sifting through the cupboards looking fof things to use. That smile was there, on his face, but it felt so wrong. Horribly wrong. Even though it was a convincing act, it was so clear that he wasn't happy at all; that he was just pretending to be. For my sake, for Hazel's sake, for his own sake - I had no clue, but that didn't matter. It still made something in me sink when I saw it, because I knew it wasn't him.

I almost missed him asking me to look around for eggs and butter, I was so lost in thought. I blinked, then pushed a hand through my hair and a smile on my face, and nodded. "Yeah, okay," I said quietly, meandering over to the fridge and rummaging through its contents. And then, "Dear god, I hope it's all still in date. Nothing's worse than bad eggs, seriously." Small talk, maybe, but it was the best I could come up with. I wasn't having silence - Silence gave me more time to dwell on how bad Jace felt, gave him more time to dwell on it. And frankly, I didn't think it would be fair on either of us.

So I'd done what I'd been doing my entire life - smiled, and talked, and hidden behind words.

[jason lee clark]

I basically did everything in silence because I didn't know what to say. I was kind of lost, actually. I have never been like this before. Most of the time I just... idk. I knew what to say and I said it. Now I can't seem to say anything. The eggs were still good, so I just made the cookies in silence while Caleb was just kind of there... When it came to cooking, I went over to the stove and put my hands where my mom always put them and closed my eyes. I focused on my energy and warming up the cookies. This was always my favorite part of my mother's cooking because I got to see her use her powers.

When I stopped, I looked into the oven and smiled. Cookies were done.

I grabbed them out of the oven and put the on the counter. It was then I finally looked at Caleb. "My mother taught me that." It was a simple statement, but I knew Caleb would know it was a statement with pain. I didn't want it to though. I wanted to forget. So I did the first thing I thought of.

Rushing over to Caleb, I grabbed onto him with both hands on his face and I kissed him. Hard. No matter what I did, I was always back at the same thing. Trying to forget.

[caleb andrew winston]

I hated silence. And it wasn't really until that time that I realised exactly how much. I didn't recall there ever being a lengthy amount of silence between the two of us, because there was always somethig to say. And sure, I might have occasionally asked if he needed a hand stirring or if he could pass me the spoon, but other than that it was stone cold silence. And I hated it, because it just gave him more time to dwell on what had happened, and me more time to worry about him.

Not that it was an uncomfortable silence. Oh no, not in the slightest. In fact, itvwasn't because we had nothing to say to each other. It just seemed that way. If I figure out a different reason for it, I'll let you know.

The light thing was cool, I had to admit. It was stuff like that that made me envy other people's powers, and realise how useless mine really were. I mean, sure, wolves were nice, but I didn't exactly want to have to be one. Being able to cook things with light, that was cool. That was useful. If I was going to be here, if I was going to have powers, then those were the ones I would have wanted. But no. Of course not.

His mother. I just bit my lip when he said that, eyebrows knitting together in a sad kind of frown, wishing I knew what to say. Because, for what felt like the first time ever, I was absolutely speechless. I couldn't tell him it was okay, because I knew there wouldn't be any fooling him. I could say I was sorry, because I had. So many times. And I was getting fucking sick of hearing myself apologise. So I was grateful when he kissed me, almost happy for him to do so. I knew it wasn't healthy, and that it wouldn't help. But if he wanted to forget, if only for a little while, then who was I to remind him?

[jason lee clark]

Caleb kissed back and I was happy about that because I didn't want to be rejected when I needed nothing more than to feel his lips on mine, his body on mine. I just wanted to do something to keep my mind off of my parents and Hazel and everything that was going completely wrong. I tangled my fingers in his hair and muttered against his lips. "Couch." I would have said a bed, but since Hazel was in my room, and I was not going to go to my parents room to do this, the couch was the next best thing.

A smile ghosted on my lips, but it was nothing like a normal smile. I wasn't anywhere near normal right now. I couldn't be normal, but Caleb was still here so I was alright... Sort of. I was alright for a little bit because I was with Caleb. Everything would be alright, I thought. Eventually.