My Dark Side [Jaleb]

[jason lee clark]

Until it has to. I don't think those words were something I wanted to hear him say, even if the ones before it were reassuring because he was telling me he wasn't going to let go. He was, though. He was going to end up letting go sometime or another. Whether he meant to or not, he was going to let go. He was going to leave me just like my mother and father left me. Eventually Hazel might even leave me, even though she was younger and should outlive me by far. It wasn't fair. It seriously wasn't fair. Was I going to be alone in the world before I died? Was I going to be one of those people that sit down and fall asleep watching a rerun of a show that was cancelled years ago. Was I going to die in my sleep and be rotting in my living room so badly before someone would come and knock on my door and be able to smell me from there. I didn't want that. I couldn't stand that. I just... I couldn't do anything about it. I would live for a long time, as long as I stayed healthy. So... I guess that meant I would deal with it when that time comes.

My anger was coming back but I was going to try my hardest to control it, even though I was pretty sure I couldn't today. For some reason, I had more anger in me at this moment than I had had for my entire life and I just couldn't understand it. But I bit it back and pulled away from my boyfriends embrace. "Uhm. Do you want to pick up Hazel, then? Since she's good to come home and stuff... I mean I can go do it if you want... but yeah..."

[/b] I stuttered out awkwardly as I looked from his eyes to the grass behind him. I was trying not to shake and I was trying not to think of all the things that made me angry. It just wasn't working as good as I wanted it to.
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Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ it's short but I'm tired and wanted to post before i crashed.[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

I knew it. I knew the minute I said it that it wasn't a good idea. I'd never been particularly good at comforting people, and now, unfortunately, was no exception. When I needed to pull it together the most, I'd just fallen to bits right there and then. I was externally together, but knowing that I just caused more harm than good was fucking awful. It hurt knowing that I'd hurt someone whilst I was trying to help them heal, and why not admit it - the fact that it was Jason that I'd done it to just rubbed salt in the wound. Why was I so fricking useless?

I pulled back when he did, biting my lip and frowning misrably. I felt how I probably looked - tired. Like shit. Because that's technically what I was. Well. I'd not always felt that way, of course, but it just hurt so fucking much. I couldn't be there for someone who'd been next to me through everything for the past month or two, and that stung more that I would have thought possible. "I'm sorry," I muttered weakly, rubbing around my wrists for want of something better to do. "I didn't mean for it to sound like that."

As if that would make it any better.

Enhanced senses were a blessing and a curse, in that I could pick up on some things faster than the average person, but some things were things that I didn't want to know. I could pretty much smell the anger on him - it was sparking again, making me tense up a little. I didn't know what to expect, and if I was honest, I wasn't really sure that I wanted to know. I really hoped that I hadn't caused that, even though I probably had, knowing my luck. I didn't know what the right way to go about making him feel better; if I even could make him feel any better. I couldn't, but I could try. And I would have, had I known what to do.

And then it came. I knew we'd have to pick up Hazel eventually, it'd been spoken about openly and often. I'd even mentioned it myself at times. But I'd always pushed that time further and further away in my head, like it was never going to come. Like I was going to live out the rest of my days awaiting Hazel's arrival. But now here it was - the day that it was all happening. I'd known that I wasn't going to feel ready at any point, really, but god. I was seventeen. I was still a kid myself. What the hell was I letting myself into? I wasn't even sure if I wanted to know.

I was feeling sick, and I was pretty sure I'd gone about three shades paler. I was nervous. This was probably one of the only two times in my life where I had actually, legitimately thought that I was fucked. I was terrified, even though I had no real reason to feel that way. But even though I knew it would be pretty fricking obvious that I wasn't okay, that I felt like I could faint any minute, I shakliy smiled and nodded, pushing a hand through my hair. "M'kay," I said, my voice barely above a whisper as I moved my other hand over to his, ghosting my fingers over the ivory skin. "I'd like to do that."

And despite the mix of emotions, that wasn't a lie. I might have been scared out of my wits, but holy fuck, I wanted to see her. I loved her already. And I just hoped that would be enough, even though a horrible voice inside my head was screaming at me that it wasn't. It'd be fine, though, surely. Wouldn't it?

[jason lee clark]

I didn't want to act this way. I wanted to be happy and I wanted to pick up Hazel with a smile on my face and no anger in my heart. But I couldn't see that happening. I couldn't see it and that made me probably even more upset than I had been previously. But... Caleb was here. Caleb was here with me and there was no reason that I shouldn't be happy. He was all I needed and I needed to remember that. Or at least make it be enough right now. Lacing our fingers together, I gave him a small smile and took a deep breath before leaning in to press our lips together. It may seem inappropriate at the moment, but I needed it. I needed to feel close to him. So kissed him harder than ever before. I kissed him so hard I was already losing breath after just a few seconds. I grabbed his neck with my free hand and made sure he was staying close.

Hazel wasn't going anywhere, and I didn't want to pick her up when I wasn't mentally okay. If that meant making out with my boyfriend before I got to that point, then for Pete's Sake, I was going to make out with my boyfriend for as long as I wanted to and no one would be able to stop me. I just wanted to forget.

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Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ it's short but I'm tired and wanted to post before i crashed.[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

There were two different kinds of people.

People like me. I wasn't weak - I never would have lived until this point if I had been. I'd always liked to think that I was pretty free spirited and strong willed, but my biggest flaw was by far my pessimism. I was sarcastic and cynical, and even though it was mostly in a fun way, it did reflect the dark, self deprecating sense of humor that I had. See, there were people like me, people who put everything away and ran from it, as if it would help everything. And sometimes it did, but most of the time, it just delayed the pain. But, and it might have been cowardly, it hurt less than facing than facing the reality of bad situations at the time.

And then, there were people like Jason. The polar opposite. People who wouldn't automatically be pinned as strong because of their happiness, or their optimism, or because of their sheer ignorance to tough times. But these ones, were stronger than the previous type. Of course, both groups had their strong points, but these ones were the ones that could go through the worst possible thing (which, in this case, had already happened), and still refuse to give in. Jason was still the same, as far as I could see; he hadn't let this beat him as badly as I'd let some things beat me. He was brave, so brave.

I gave him the widest smile that I could muster, trying to seem as if nothing was wrong. But I really doubted that I was fooling anyone - even if I was, it didn't feel right. I incessantly nibbled my lip, trying ineffectually to slow down my mind. I was too worked up to be worried about being convincing. We were going to get Hazel soon - Hazel, who I'd been losing sleep over for about two weeks now. Or was it a month? Time wasn't important; what was important was the fact that this was make-or-break, and something about that made me feel sick with nerves and anxiety.

I hadn't been expecting the kiss, and I hadn't had time to even take a breath before his lips crashed onto mine, so I ended up spluttering for a minute. But I felt his hand on the back of my neck, lightly pressing me closer to him, and it was enough to bring me back from the surprise of the moment a little bit. The kiss was rough, as if he was absolutely certain that it would be the last one. Which, I never knew - it might possibly have been. Life was unpredictable like that, and even though I was fairly certain it wouldn't be, I could never actually be sure. Not when everything else was slipping through our fingers like sand.

I was almost scared by it, actually. Not by he kiss, not by him - by the unpredictability of the world. Surely we'd ha enough for now? How much worse could things actually get, in all seriousness? If I thought about it, not very. My life was actually fairly on track now. Most of my family was alive and well, I was fine, I had a boyfriend that loved more than almost anything in the world. The only low note was that we were both currently picking up the pieces of his shattered world. And even then, there were only so many pieces to pick up. We'd get there eventually. And as I focused on the kiss (trying to ignore the fact that air was limited), I did honestly feel that the only way we could go was up.

outfit . here
tagged . jacey-face~
words . 660
notes . so much aaaaaangst
credit . coding by chloe, lyrics by william beckett

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[jason lee clark]

After awhile, I backed away but made sure to still stay close to him. I didn't want to ever leave his arms and I couldn't begin to think about what I would feel like if I did leave his arms. We were going to be getting a baby any minute now... we needed to go to the hospital and pick her up and then she would be ours. Technically... she was still my sister, but I would have to be the one to raise her. She would be like my own daughter, even though she was just my sister. I didn't know how I felt about that. I didn't have a choice anymore though.

I gave Caleb a tentative smile and gave him one more quick kiss before moving to stand up. My hands were shaking slightly. I didn't know how to stop them, though. "S-Should we go get Hazel then?"

[/b] I asked as I held my hand out for him to take. Things would be okay. I would be okay. Caleb would be okay. Everything would be okay.
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Outfit

[/b] ------------ Clicky~!
Notes[/b] ------------ it's short but I'm tired and wanted to post before i crashed.[/i]
Tagged[/b] ------------ Jalebbbb[/i]
Song Credit[/b] ------------ Could You Put Your Light on Please - Harry Chapin[/i][/center]

[caleb andrew winston]

It was funny how small I could feel, despite the fact that I was pushing six feet tall. Ironic, maybe even a little funny. Well, it would have been, had I not been so preoccupied. I probably would have laughed at myself for being so stupid, something that I really didn't consider myself to be more often than not. Sure, I had stupid moments, and maybe mine were more common than most other people's, but everyone had them. Didn't they? I was certain they did - no one hadn't done stupid things that they regretted later. And if they had, then they were either Jesus or lying.

It sounds horrible now, but I just wanted time to stop at that moment. I wanted the world to stop spinning. I wanted to just stop existing, because even though I knew things were going to be fine, I was absolutely fucking terrified. And with good reason, so I thought. I was a kid, still a kid, going to bring up another kid. And I thought that the idea of doing that as an adult was scary. But like I'd already said, if we didn't do it, no one else was going to. I had to be brave. And that might not have been what I was used to doing, I had to try.

So I slid my hand into Jason's and pulled myself up, stil holding it as tightly as I could, as tightly as I had that night in the woods. Because I knew that if I didn't, I wasn't going to be able to do this. I needed the stability, even though I could feel his hand shaking around mine. "Y-Y-Yeah." I stammered quietly, clearing my throat and attempting a smile that I hoped would look convincing. "Yeah, I think we should." It was all going to be fine, wasn't it? It had to be, surely.